i fell in love with a friend…

my heart has gone and fallen in love when it wasn’t supposed to.. but isn’t that how it always is?

i have a very special person in my life who i’m like, 65-80% sure, that they don’t value me or want to make time for me as much as i do for them. or maybe they just can’t due to factors out of our control, but i’ve recently become aware of these romantic feelings, and i just want to get them off of my chest. of course im terrified of rejection, but from awful past experience i now know these hard conversations are always best had right when the awareness of these feelings happen.

i haven’t heard from this person in days. even tho they said they’d give me a call yesterday. i’m scared that i’ve scared them away bc i did mention over text that i had something i wanted to talk to them about over a call. maybe they somehow know what im going to say already and are avoiding this conversation. bc what other logical explanation is there for them to be silent for days..

i’m feeling a whole mixture of emotions now, so i went ahead and let it out in a poem. here it is. i hope someone here can feel something from it, and maybe even enjoy it.

Where have you gone? a poem by peaceandblessings:

I spent months, days, years, yearning for this

A cliche friends to lovers story

I wanted this all my life

To stop in the middle of a long walk

And have the grand old epiphany of being in love with a friend

Now I’m wishing I could go back to the start

Because I didn’t know this epiphany would bring guilt

Restlessness, and an undying desire to spend every single day with you

I want to look ever so sweetly into your eyes and tell you I love you

I want to watch a sunset with you

I remember seeing the way the stage-lights fell down the side of your face

And how your long golden locks perfectly decorate it

I remember standing from the side thinking you have Apollo’s beauty

But I’m supposed to be casual, we’re only supposed to tell each other funny jokes and compliment each other but not too much

I’m supposed to just be your friend

The more I’ve tried talking to you

The more absent you’re becoming

Did I scare you away?

Does the reality of being closer with me

make you want to run away?

Does the possibility that I love you scare you?

Can’t you see?

You’re the golden retriever to my black cat

You, son of Apollo, god of the sun

And me, daughter of Diana, goddess of the moon

It was always a self fulfilling prophecy

No matter how many times I tried to escape

It would always, somehow, find me again

Even when I was never looking

I think I finally understand them now

When they would always tell me

Love happens when you least expect it