im scared for my relationship

I feel crazy and I’m terrified. I don’t know what to do and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I need some advice on my relationship.

For context, my boyfriend has 2 phones, he recently got a new one and we can’t really do anything with the old until it’s paid off. So same texts, apps, notifications, everything.

Last week, after he left for work in the morning the phone kept going off. I checked it out of curiosity and it was a notification from *** saying someone posted a vid, just those random ones because you interacted with them. The profile looked suspicious so I snooped and opened it to find that person’s page was full of sexual basically naked videos. In anger I began searching to find how he interacted with them and I found that his entire saved section was filled with all kinds of videos like that. He didn’t like the videos, just archived them. K was so mad because we’ve had tons of fights whenever videos like that would pop up when we’re watching together but he always made me believe he didn’t care for them and truly didn’t know why they were there. I wanted to believe him so bad I even apologized for getting mad half the time. Even though I know how the algorithm works I still believed him after countless times.

I took pictures on my phone and sent them to him along with many furious texts. After a few hours of texts and me working doing catering deliveries, he asked to meet up after my last one. He left work to come talk to me and apart from trying to reassure me, he explained that it was a bad habit he had whenever he saw something like that to save it from before we were in a relationship and he meant to clear it out but was ashamed of it and always forgot. He said it was like when you scroll on *** and just like everything without paying attention, he just habitually saves those kinds. I don’t get that habit but i dont have that experience i never was allowed to use *** growing up and i dont really ever now. He apologized for all the previous fights saying he was really ashamed and didn’t want to tell me about it so instead he got really defensive and would brush it off.

After I started feeling okay, hours later he asked if i wanted to have sex, and I said no because I was still really uncomfortable. He got all sad and when I asked what was wrong, he started crying saying that he’s scared that he’s going to lose me out of the stupid thing he did. That all of our 2 year relationship is suddenly over because of this “habit”. I honestly thought about it but I want this to work and I want to believe he does too. In the moment, I comforted him. Telling him we’ll be okay but I need this to never happen again. And I made him feel better. Even now I don’t know how to feel about that, because it was his fault. It is his fault. Why was I consoling him?

Recently, I got mad over a cutscene of sex in his videogame. I’ve always been overly jealous, even over stupid fake characters, convinced he found them attractive. The cutscene was just part the story, he didn’t pick it, not that that affects my feelings about it. After talking when I calmed down, he said that he feels like I don’t trust him no matter how many times he reassures me all day every day. And it made me realize that he’s right. I don’t trust him. Fake or not I’m scared he’s going to be infatuated by some female body and is going to lose all attraction towards me. I do believe he’d never actually cheat on me. But watching naked videogame women, watching real women flaunt their bodies in sexual ways and bikinis or cover up their parts with stickers, it just makes me uncomfortable and sick at the thought of him quietly liking what he sees.

I don’t know what to do. I want to believe him and gods I love him. But I don’t know.