i need advice
Hello. I'm a teenager, what comes with being a teenager is drama, and fragile trust. that's what this comes down to. I'd like some advice. Would it be wrong to date my best friend's ex — who we are all (all being our entire friendgroup and a lot of people) still cool and friends with, including my best friend —? Lets give some context. We'll call my bestfriend "Red" and we'll call his ex "orange" ok. so, essentially, red is my bestfriend. I knew red before i knew orange. red actually introduced me to orange. lately i've been feeling really down, depressed, alone, the works. and orange has been there for me. unlike many of my friends. and after this long while, i've started to fall in love with orange. like, deeply. she's starting to be all i think about. It's not like their breakup was recent, and they broke up on good terms. they broke up because orange wasn't in the right place emotionally/mentally yet and would stress abiut small and very little things, but i know she's doing much much much better now (she's got a therapist, has been clean for months, is noticably a lot happier, etc). anyhow, i just dont know if it'd be ok for me to confess to orange. should i ask red if it's ok? should i think about myself? i'm a bit of a people pleaser/pushover so i dread the possibility of having red mad at me or upset because i ended up actually telling orange let alone getting with her (if i even get there.)
—also i'd like to say, if it helps, that Red is ftm and orange is mtf (transgender). just incase that helps you understand like, the dynamic of it all (emotional wise i suppose—
anyhow, if anyone has any advice, answers to my questions, or any idea of what to do please tell me!
@RobynTheBird
Your situation is complicated and probably giving advice is not what is needed, but I would like to say that any relationship is a matter of two people. In any situation. If someone is embarrassed by this - these are problems of their perception. And this is quite normal. If your friend is a vegetarian, you will not be afraid to eat meat in front of him, will you? These are different things, but you have the right to be with anyone, with red, orange and even green! And the most important thing is not to hide it and clearly talk to the one with whom it is important to sort things out. Your friend will understand you, and if it hurts him - well, then you will have to limit communication, right? After all, you will live more with the other and he will be the main one, right? Therefore, listen to yourself and do what you think is right!
honestly, whith the whole, meat + vegetarian thing, yes, i would. well, maybe i wouldnt be scared or afraid. but i'd certainly feel bad, probably guilty. and thats just a matter of who i am. im an empathetic person, i feel everybody's emotions on top of my own. and i understand them, even if it's to the tiniest degree.
@voodvins
— to respond to that last part —
i'm looking for advice for what exactly i should do. should i ask for a blessing? just do it? or forget about her? my gut says ask my friend, but then, i'd need advice how to do it. because im wah too akward to just go up to my friend and be like "hey dude, can i date your ex girlfriend that you probably still have feelings for, but i really love her so can i have your blessing?"
i couldn't bring myself to do that.
@RobynTheBird
I don't think you should discuss this with him. Be with her, it's your personal business.
Do you know how orange feels about you?
If she's not into you like that the whole thing is non starter . Does she have any feelings for red still?
If you are sure she would reciprocate your feelings then you have a choice to make and consequences to deal with. Ultimately it might go down to your friendship with red or potentially relationship with orange ( which at the age you are unlikely to be the one , thou id always happy to be proven wrong ) .
If it's orange then I would talk to red , tell him how you feel about orange . Be prepared to lose both of them as worse case scenario.
i'll take this into account. thanks.
