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i regret the way i handled things ending with this guy i was seeing

User Profile: determinedCup9001
determinedCup9001 December 9th, 2023

this guy (20) and me (20) had been going out this past month and it all came to a halt a few days ago. let me start off by saying i dont catch feelings for people quickly but this past month with him had felt as if ive known him forever. i really liked him a lot and im truly so sad about it ending. the reason we ended things is bc i was noticing that he couldnt give me his all, the effort wasnt fully there and it just seemed like there was a lil bit of disconnect at times from his side. i already knew he was a very busy person and theres just a lot of responsibilities and *** on his plate rn.


so after asking him if he even has time for a relationship rn he told me no. that it isn’t bc of me bc he really likes me a lot but that its just not the right moment. he told me he thinks we shojld slow things down, we can still keep contact but just work less towards love. initially i agreed with this but after overthinking an entire night i sent him a long message basically saying i dont believe in having the wrong moment, that the right person would put in the effort no matter what and that i want to cut off contact completely. i also want to cut off contact bc having a little bit of him doesn’t work for me. i need a lot of reassurance and effort in a relationship bc of insecurities and otherwise ill make myself go crazy. he just send me a very short response (i understand you) that didnt clarify anything for me and spooks in my mind.


now looking back i regret saying that and don’t stand behind the statement. ive had times where theres been so much on my plate that i didnt make time for the ones i love most or that i wasn’t truly present while with others. mind u all of these convos were held over text which i rlly regret. so rn im debating whether to text him and ask him to meet up so we can talk in person one last time about the way i ended things and regretting that. ill tell him about changing my mind on the wrong moment thing, that if there ever is a right moment i want him to know the doors open from my side and i want to talk about moving forward and that we dont have to completely cut off contact. is this a logical thing to do or am i being selfish and would u handle differently in this situation? 

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User Profile: KatePersephone
KatePersephone December 9th, 2023

@determinedCup9001 hi there! first of all, thank you for sharing this with the community. 

It's understandable that you're feeling conflicted and regretful about how you ended things. It's also commendable that you're considering addressing the situation in person to provide more clarity and understanding. Here are some thoughts to consider:

Communication in person: Having a face-to-face conversation can often provide a more nuanced and clear understanding of each other's perspectives. If you feel comfortable and believe it would be a constructive conversation, suggesting a meet-up to talk things through is a reasonable approach.

Expressing your feelings: It's okay to express that you've had time to reflect on your initial reaction and that you now see things differently. Be honest about your feelings, but also be open to hearing his perspective without placing blame.

Being open to compromise: Relationships often involve compromise, and it's okay to discuss finding a balance that works for both of you. You can express your need for reassurance and effort while acknowledging the challenges he's facing. It might involve finding a middle ground or setting realistic expectations for the present moment.

Clarifying your stance on contact: If you've changed your mind about cutting off contact completely, it's essential to communicate this. Discuss what level of communication feels comfortable for both of you, considering your individual needs and circumstances.

Respecting his decision: It's crucial to understand that even if you express your feelings and desires, he may still have limitations due to his current circumstances. Be prepared for the possibility that he might maintain his stance on needing to slow things down.

Remember, healthy relationships involve open communication, understanding, and a willingness to work together. If you approach the conversation with empathy, honesty, and a genuine desire to find common ground, it can potentially lead to a more positive resolution. However, be prepared for any outcome and prioritize your own well-being throughout the process.
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