it is the little things that can make you lose it
Hello all,
this is a vent i need to get off my chest ......
if someone has some suggestions other then the standard "Marriage counseling' or
if you just can relate i am open to discussion.
I find it is the LITTLE items that me feel crazy ......... i will sound so petty but the small things over and over again with no improvement...... no learning ..... nothing is pushing me to snap.
My spouse and I have many issues including his health, hearing loss and ZERO sex life......he does not take care of health issues.... takes meds at all different times of day....... instead of a regular regime that is usually beneficial for regular medications.........
has medical questions ..........but does not ask his DR .. is having a hard time breathing but sure that can wait to be checked out ( lol) .......... does not include me at all ....... over 30 years together......... i am treated on a need to know basis.
He keeps saying when he gets better we can do X,Y or Z ....................but with zero effort in improving that day will NEVER come ... he is 60 lbs overweight ........ i want to do things not just sit and wait .....he seems perfectly content to sit on couch doing nothing but watch TV and wait to die.
Every weekend is a nightmare....... last week we went out of town to see family and we stopped at a restaurant he would not consider before ............always tells me he HATES that type of food ........(he has NEVER tried.)....... he really enjoyed it........ so when we got home i looked but no franchises near us.... instead of believing ME he had to look up himself...... and he says it should not bother me........ but to me it screams zero confidence in my ability to even look up things...
I tried to go out of my way to recreate the item he had ordered ..... but he has no interest since i put it together ...... i was looking for ingredients and wondered where i bought this item before .... he said store X ........that is about 4 miles away ........we were going to a closer store anyway ........so i said i would find it there ..... he does not want to eat it.......... as i did not buy at the "right" store ... i find the version i bought today to taste better IMO .
These sound to me the actions of a toddler or someone maybe on the Spectrum .....But can this be onset at an older age.... perhaps a dementia type thing coming on is more likely.
When he turns on TV he will stop and start if i even leave the room i am not watching anyway but on my laptop ...
but he falls asleep sitting up with his head just hanging ... i wake him up so his neck is not sore ........i get yelled at that he was NOT sleeping and what happened on the show............. did i Fast forward It ?
he cannot tell you one thing about items i like / what i like to do.....or if i am happy or miserable as he says " it is Just NOT on his radar"
it would be funny if i was not living this nightmare....
in process of trying to recreate dish we went to a specialized bakery ............he bought more items then we need .............then tells me i should eat all of it as he is no longer interested..... a huge waste of money and he is constantly trying to feed me because in last couple years i have got into shape and he has only gained and gained weight.
he says he is making chili but it is spicy soup .... not even chili consistency..... then was offended when he tried to give me HUGE bowl says "you want some chili" but i did not want his spicy soup there are two of us here but he had about 3 gallons of this "soup" as he has ZERO ability to portion control.
i have been doing some real assessment of these and other items ...... and i cannot see a way to resolve this I gave him leeway for depression or health etc but NOTHING changes.....
if i open shades in day he closes one windows covering ...... says sun in his eyes but when i closed a blind because of reflection on TV he opens it right back up as he did not approve.
i would suggest he needs individual therapy but he has ZERO clue as to why i seem mad all the time..
@toughTiger6481 Sorry you’re dealing with this. Nothing in your description contains “little things”. I understand why you are so frustrated.
@hopefulPond6108
Thank you for your response but i feel it is the constant feeling of this is so small other people have real issues .......
i just am invisible and cannot imagine why a person i look at now and wonder .... what happened i do not know this person.
@toughTiger6481 Other people have other issues, doesn’t make what you’re dealing with “small.” It sounds like your spouse makes life unnecessarily difficult. Perhaps a therapist could provide some support with this situation and maybe some tools for how to deal with it even if your spouse has no interest in couples counseling.
@hopefulPond6108
perhaps you are right ...........i have tried several practices with the "i feel " statements .......and trying to not read that much into things .............but i have reached a point where it is no longer helping...
we had several hot days in a row he put in the window air conditioner..... then we had a very cold rainy day and he has window ajar with vent in it .... obvious that is where the cold is coming from but he cranks up the furnace ? sure lets see how high a bill we can get......
i asked why not take out vent and close window where all cold is coming in? he looks at me as if I am speaking a alien language.............. this is basic common sense..... he begrudgingly did it but was mad at me ....
there are so many example each day ....the exact same type of thing....................... it gets to the point where i actually walked to neighbors house said 3 sentences and confirmed i was not mute.... was not speaking gibberish ........and was not invisible.
He then is mad......... as i embarrass him by making him look like a bad spouse.....
he buys things that are HIS favorite and tells me they are my favorite...... pours coffee in morning and adds milk and sugar ... i take mine black ...... says "i made that up just to make him feel bad"....
YEP I am that big of an idiot ............i do not know how I LIKE my own coffee.......
he was NOT like this always................when i try to talk about things he yells "i have always done this you are wrong"
i cannot make him seek therapy / take care of health/ or even acknowledge the issue ...........but i am afraid that i will lose the ability to be civil about all his little OOPS moments.
