it's been two years...
It was two years ago when we met. I've been through many stages of the grieving process, but this process has been very hard and heavy, and I feel so burnt out and exhausted from it. Two years ago I met who would become my best friend and who I thought was possibly the love of my life. Things happened and we completely cut contact a year ago. It's been a year and a half since he abandoned me, but I'm still trying to reconcile with that. I see he's been in a relationship for months now and I'm starting to come to terms with the possibility that he may have dated several other people after leaving me, too. I'm just unable to understand how easy it was for him to do that, to grow attachments and feelings for other people, when I know he was in love with me too, just like I was.
How has he not been struggling with lack of desire for others like me? I thought that by now I wouldn't have any feelings left for him, but I still want him back. I still want to love him and adore him because I believe we deserve that chance. But he's moved on. And I've tried dating others, I've tried liking other people, but I just can't. I want to, but this is the first time in my whole life that I'm unable to catch feelings for other people. He's the only one who I've ever loved. And I can't even feel the desire anymore to date others or to even want to get to know others. I literally used to crush so easily before I met him, but ever since then, I have not had a crush or any kind of romantic feelings for anyone. But he's been in a relationship for months with somebody else? I can't wrap my head around it. It's eating me alive how hard it is for me to just let go. I believe he's an avoidant as well, because he abandoned me shortly after admitting he loved me. Right when everything appeared perfect, that's when he started to distance himself until he just ignored me and has never came back after our last conversation, when I asked him for an explanation of what had just happened.
@peaceandblessings Hi peaceandblessings, thank you so much for sharing what you’re feeling. I can hear the depth of pain, confusion, and exhaustion you’re carrying, and it’s completely understandable. Losing someone you deeply cared for—especially when the ending felt sudden and unresolved—can leave a lasting emotional impact. It’s not just about losing the relationship, but also the sense of security, connection, and hope you once had. What you’re describing reflects the kind of heartbreak that lingers because it touched something truly genuine in you. You’ve already shown incredible strength by continuing to process this instead of shutting it down. It’s natural to wonder how someone who shared love with you could move on faster, but emotional healing doesn’t happen the same way for everyone. For some, moving on quickly can be a way to avoid facing their own pain, while for others, it takes time and introspection—as it seems you are doing right now. Your difficulty forming new feelings doesn’t mean you’re broken; it’s a sign that your heart still needs more space to heal before it can open again. It might help to shift focus from understanding his actions to gently nurturing yourself. You’ve given a lot of emotional energy to someone who’s no longer present, and now is the time to start giving some of that love back to you—through self-care, self-compassion, or even rediscovering parts of your life that make you feel alive. Healing from someone who mattered deeply isn’t about forgetting them, but learning to live peacefully with their memory without letting it consume your present. You’ve endured something that would test anyone’s strength, and the fact that you’re still trying, still reaching out, shows real courage. Be patient with yourself. In time, your heart will find balance again—even if it doesn’t look like it did before. And until then, you have this space, this community, where you’re understood, valued, and never alone in your healing journey.
@peaceandblessings Hi peaceandblessings, thank you so much for sharing what you’re feeling. I can hear the depth of pain, confusion, and exhaustion you’re carrying, and it’s completely understandable. Losing someone you deeply cared for—especially when the ending felt sudden and unresolved—can leave a lasting emotional impact. It’s not just about losing the relationship, but also the sense of security, connection, and hope you once had. What you’re describing reflects the kind of heartbreak that lingers because it touched something truly genuine in you.
