my boyfriend of two years randomly switched up
me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years and he has been the most perfect boyfriend ever. i genuinely cannot put it into words, ever since we met he's been obsessed with me and treats me like a princess and is so kind and genuine and we have literally never gotten into fights or arguments and we both genuinely love each other but..... all of a sudden about two weeks ago he randomly out of nowhere switched up on me. he became super avoidant and told me that he needs some time to feel normal again. he said that he feels like he has alot going on in his life (he's currently doing a masters program) and he doesn't feel like he can fully be a good boyfriend rn. and he also told me he's not really happy with how our relationship dynamic is because he feels like he "always has to agree" with me. its just such a sudden switch of personality that i feel so betrayed and i have no idea how to even deal with this. he's also suggesting that we stay in touch but not really act like we're in a relationship, and temporarily just "be friends". this is such a sudden shock for me, since the guy who was so afraid of losing me and always was obsessed with me is now acting like he doesnt even care about me. i genuinely cannot "leave him" or move on from this, in my head the only option is for us to be together no matter what. so if anyone has any advice on how i can go about this situation please please please let me know!!
@matchaluv
The relationship was great for you. Did you ever ask how it was for him? Did he ever share what he wanted in the relationship? It is most likely not sudden just he reached his limit.
Sometimes people put in a lot of effort and try to always agree with partner wishes view etc. They show all sorts of interest and hope the treatment will be reciprocated. they think some time will be their time to do things they want. to be treated or appreciated in a certain way. Many times, they do not speak up as they expected you to know what they want or need.
I know I used to do all for my partner and instead of them giving any consideration back they grew to expect it. I was not having my needs met and frankly they could not even tell me what I liked as they assumed I only liked all the things they did. My bad for always going along with their wishes.
thank you for your response. the relationship was great for him too, i know that for a fact, i think we both put equal efforts into treating each other good and i knew everything about him and didnt make it "all about me". but one thing i did do was i would always ask him scenario questions and expect him to respond in an answer that i wanted. and i think this is what made him feel this way, he said he felt like he couldn't give his honest opinion and always just gave me an answer that he thought i wanted to hear or would always just agree with me even if he doesn't in his head, just to not start an arguement. i do admit that was my fault but since you've experienced this before could you maybe give me advice on how i can make him not feel this way towards me and not be avoidant? i would really appreciate it since im going to try my hardest to make this relationship work.
@matchaluv
It is hard to come back from. even if we can calmly talk about it. It is good you have identified a specific example of what could be done differently. there may be more under the surface. The "I feel" statements can help it make less likely a fight. How does a person dispute how you feel.
If you tell him how you feel and that you recognize that yes it was an issue you can rebuild. Set guidelines so if things slip back. if you start asking scenario questions and he feels, put on spot, he can just say something like "I will tell you how I really feel about that is that something you want to hear? or did you want me to agree. with you"
communication is hard as sometimes we step on each other's feelings but being able to work on that is a skill it takes time to build.