new challenges with fiances baby momma moving
my fiance has a 10 yr old boy that has moved 4 hours away from us. due to this my fiance spends one or two nights a week sleeping at his ex girlfriends house... now I know that he is doing this to spend time with his son as often as he can, but it still makes me extremely uncomfortable! When my fiance and I first moved in together I allowed/dealt with his baby momma actually living with us... but that became too uncomfortable after 2 years. unfortunately due to finances she had to move in with her parents which is understandable! But him spending the night there gives me the MOST anxiety. I brought it up to him and the conversation was cut short telling me that if I can't handle him having a baby momma we probably shouldn't be together.... um we've been together for 4 years. I have been very open and agreeable for the most part when it comes to her. I have even paid to include her in family trips to water parks! I was trying to express that this is a very difficult thing to go through for me. I want to set a boundary that he should not touch her during these visits, like a hug. I witnessed them hugging during a drop off of the kid last week and it just made me feel so bad! I realize that this may just be me being insecure but... if he's spending the night there is it reasonable to ask for this? Feeling in my head and have no one to really talk to about this
@justpeachpie
It sounds like you're going through a very challenging situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling uncomfortable and anxious. You’ve been incredibly supportive and accommodating of your fiancé’s relationship with his ex and his son, even when it’s been difficult for you. It must be hard to balance your feelings of discomfort with the desire to support his relationship with his son.
You've mentioned that you’ve been open and agreeable, even paying for family trips that include his ex, which shows your willingness to support their co-parenting relationship. However, it's also important to take care of your own emotional needs and set boundaries that make you feel comfortable and secure in your relationship.
It seems like your feelings of discomfort were dismissed when you tried to bring them up, which must have been really hurtful. It’s important in a relationship for both partners to feel heard and understood. Your request for him not to touch her, like hugging during visits, is a boundary that comes from your need for reassurance and security.
Have you considered discussing your feelings with him again, maybe framing it as a way to strengthen your relationship and find a compromise that respects both your needs and his relationship with his son? How do you think he would respond to a conversation that focuses on finding a solution that works for both of you?
@AmyPondd we've talked about it again and he's at least agreed to set the boundary of them not touching but im having a really hard time believing it
When my wife and I got together initially the only way I could see my daughters was to stay at her house for the weekend. I'm sure my then girlfriend was feeling similar. But I explicitly slept on the couch and didn't touch my ex wife.
I can't say one way or the other on his actions while he is there but I know it's easy enough to avoid touching your ex.
Your feelings are valid and honestly I reacted in a similar manner when my wife thought I was cheating. I just laughed because I was was working around the clock napping between customers and I realized later that she was serious about it. I'd never cheat on my second wife so it was ridiculous to me that she thought I was. Any how your feelings are valid and it is easier than you think for a man to keep his hands off of his baby mamma
