4 years, financial struggles, unhappy with myself
I’ve been with my boyfriend over 4 years. We’ve lived together for almost 2 years. We are 24 and 25. He has been unemployed for almost a year and has been living off his savings. We kept this a secret from everyone for almost the entire year. That in itself has been such a burden on me. I have had a full time job and feel like I haven’t been able to fully enjoy my hard work because my partner can’t afford to do the things I want to do. Even eating at a fast food restaurant once in a while is not attainable. If it happens, it’s because I offered to pay. And when I am craving something, I always end up paying double because I feel bad that he wouldn’t have any. I also feel so disappointed in myself because I wanted to and could have bought myself a home. But I didn’t because I was hoping to do that with my husband. Well now I’m behind in 2 of my life goals. I put off buying a house and I’m not married. One of those is in my control. The other feels like it’ll never happen. I feel so sad when I take a step back and realize I’m not where I want to be. I have so much to be grateful for but I continue to think about these two empty voids in my life. I believe I’m with the person I want to be with, but I’m not where I want to be. I don’t know what to do. I feel stuck and that makes me so sad.
@sincereTree8147
I'm sorry that that's happening. It's really understandable that you'd be feeling strained and sad based on some of the effects your boyfriend's unemployment has had:
- You end up either avoiding eating out or paying double for things because you feel bad if he isn't able to enjoy it.
- You imagined that you'd be buying a house by now, and you've been working very hard at your own full-time job to able to afford that and split the cost with your husband someday, but that no longer feels like something that's going to happen anytime soon.
- It feels like your life is at a bit of a standstill and some of your major goals (i.e. get married, buy a house) haven't been accomplished, which is pretty depressing/demoralizing. 💜
Here are a couple links I was able to find that have some tips for dealing with being in a relationship where your partner is unemployed. One thing that both resources seem to suggest is to focus on self-care and finding things that feel enjoyable/comforting/relaxing.
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/therapy-relationships-unemployment/
https://www.careeraddict.com/handle-the-situation-when-your-partner-is-unemployed
If you'd like to chat with someone, HERE is a list of experienced listeners who accept 1-on-1 chats on financial stress.
Wishing you the best. 💜
