Advice over clingy boyfriend?
Hello community, I haven't been on this app in a while but would really appreciate advice on a situation with my boyfriend of 3 months (but we've been talking since end of December). He's very clingy and since we're long-distance that wouldn't be a problem but we're on the phone all the time when i'm at home over the summer (i'm not necessarily opposed to that part) and it was like this when i was in FL for work too. He seems to be a very sensitive person, i.e. he has small cry sessions when i'm facetiming him which usually happen because of a situation where I can't get to the phone like i promised earlier that day, or if he's just really missing me bc again we're long-distance.
And while i try to be understanding, he is constantly apologizing for crying or apologizing for texting me that he misses me, and i always tell him i want him to be open with me and not hide his emotions. But, at the same time, i'm getting rather tired of saying the same "its okay" etc. to him bc him getting emotional happens so often. I guess i just don't know how to approach it because i dont want to hurt his feelings, but i've told him before how I have issues with understanding why he gets so worked up over general timing of us facetiming when obviously i could get caught up in something because i'm human and have a life that's not just otp with him all the time.
I do greatly value being his girlfriend but I guess I just really want some distance even if it's a few hours a day without feeling guilty about not being with him or feeling like i have to see another "i miss you...." text each day. I went on a bachelorette trip last weekend and it was SOO nice to just chat with other people and not be glued to my phone all the time. I feel like it's obvious to anyone who reads this that i know i need to set boundaries but i'd still appreciate an opinion. Thanks <3
@kindnessngrace
Feeling you need to set biundaries between us tnen you'd better break up with him. I guess you'll avoid a lot of issues.
@kindnessngrace
He is having his own issues and is projecting on you... clinging. I understand that.
You know it is simple... you gotta talk to each eather, plain truth in love. You gotta talk openly and seriously. That is solution
I feel for you, it seems like you are in a no-win situation. Long distance relationships are better suited to emotionally mature and confident people that can cope with the difficulties of being apart.
I feel like it starts off with, oh it's nice, he's being vocal about his needs and then ends with... I resent hearing about it all the time..
He needs to find purpose in his life, away from the chats with you, because unfortunately, it's going to get worse, not better, over time.
I've dealt with many people like this and it makes me run, every time.
Practically speaking, you are going to have to have a frank chat. You can list his good qualities and say that, you enjoy his company but you also have other commitments to tend too.
That missing each other and talking less, isn't a bad thing, it means more to catch up on and bond over.
That he needs to find a way to occupy his time in a meaningful way, just like you do. It will fill up the time in-between chats.
Relationships should be equal and independence within it, is healthy.
@kindnessngrace
some people have a hard time doing long distance... it sounds like he is insecure about your relationship. you could be honest with him and let him know that you need space too and cannot spend all your time on phone.
Constant assurance is a real boundaries breaker and tell him this will drive a wedge between you sooner or later. He needs to work on his issue to be sure of himself i think lack of self-esteem may be a reason he is so clingy and emotional.
@kindnessngrace
It is totally normal for you to need some you time. I feel for you as I experience a similar situation. It may be best to let him know you need your life too and he needs to accept it. Always here to talk to you need.