Am I expecting too much?
My bf and I have been dating for about 4 and a half years and we’ve basically been living together for about 4 years. We like to go on dates to keep our lives exciting but how we both plan dates are so different. We both enjoy going out for activities, so typically that’s the type of stuff I’ll plan. I try to plan things we both like. He’s really into gaming, while I am the complete opposite, so a lot of the times that what he plans for us. He likes to plan dates that he wants me to enjoy with him. I’ve mentioned to him that recently that he should plan more things that will be enjoyable for us rather than just him, even though I don’t mind doing something he likes every once in a while. of course he says he’ll work on it but he also says I should plan dates that I want him to enjoy with me and I do. It’s just when I do plan something that I’m interested in and him not so much, he shows how disinterested he is. He’ll be super nonchalant or on his phone looking for other things for us to do. When he does try to plan things that I like it feels like he doesn’t know me or what I like. It seems like it’s hard for him to plan something that he just doesn’t want to do. It can feel like he doesn’t care about my feelings. I do things to make us both happy and try to also share excitement in the things that entertains him but he doesn’t do the same for me. I understand that maybe I could put in more work to convince to to try different things but I also feel like he should be willing to do things he isn’t interested in as well, or try to at least pretend he’s enjoying spending time with me doing something that I enjoy.
He should try to show more interest in what you like, not necessarily everything, but he should try to share some things with you. It is unfair if you're always doing what he wants. If hes not willing to try your interest I would honestly spend more time doing what you like even if it is by yourself or with friends than simply living in his world. I suggest you discuss how you're feeling about this directly with him and figure out what needs to change for you to also be happy
It sounds like either of you do not enjoy the same hobbies or ideas for where to go on a date. That'd be fine if you just wanted to spend time together. But it sounds like even just being together can be frustrating and/or boring as well as a let-down. After four years it kind of makes sense but I feel like there needs to be an effort from both sides. You're atleast trying to consider what he would like to do in the equation. As well as trying to enjoy things that he plans without considering you. If he doesn't have a lot of time then it makes sense that he wants to be able to play games as much as possible. But that's not really a date, especially if you don't enjoy it and it doesn't excite you - which is the whole point of your two going on a date in the first place. There must be some interesting places left to go on dates which the both of you can enjoy together. Even still, maybe consider a short drive to get some food or sweets and maybe stop at a park for 15-30 minutes and just eat together and have a chat. Maybe that could be a good way to reconnect and plan your next few dates, or at least get on the same page with one another. Yeah, it's a basic date but if you make a rule with no phones, try to be intimate with holding hands or kissing and just taking in the world, looking around at other couples, etc. it can be nice to slow down once in a while. I think you should keep your dates short unless you really want to stay because you're having such a good time. Overall, you might want to consider doing more things separately from each other but being more spontaneous, romantic and intimate during your everyday life. Just some ideas, but feel free to improvise or discard them.
