Bf wants to be friends after I said a mean comment
The other day I said a comment to my boyfriend that I didn’t mean. I said it after he was telling me how I was acting so I got a little upset with him and then said that the only treason I was with him was because I was lonely but I only said it to get his attention. And now that really hurts him and I don’t know why I said it. I want to take it back and have apologized but he wants to be friends now. He said we will play it by ear to see if we can get back together.
I didn’t even mean it ..I was just upset and said random stuff
what do I do? How do I apologize so he know. What do I do?
@diplomaticNickel9852
Friend.
You can do nothing more. If he can't forgive you it is his fault. We all do mistakes, say wrong things.
From your friend Helga.
@diplomaticNickel9852
Hi--that sounds challenging. 😟 Based on what you've shared here and in another post, you were in a bad mood and said to your boyfriend that you're only with him because you feel lonely. This isn't something that's true and you regret saying it, but the damage has been done. He felt very hurt by it, he wanted to just be friends, and you're trying to find a way to apologize to him and mend the relationship.
Here are a couple resources I was able to find that have some tips on apologies.
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-apologize-more-sincerely-3144467
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201906/how-apologize-8-tips-keep-in-mind
And here are a couple resources I was able to find that have some tips on what to do if someone won't forgive you.
https://www.talkspace.com/blog/when-someone-wont-forgive-you/
https://www.aconsciousrethink.com/14183/how-to-deal-with-someone-who-wont-forgive-you/
I skimmed through these articles and a few things I took away were:
- Be clear about what you're specifically apologizing for (i.e. what you said, why it was wrong or hurtful)
- Empathize with how it affected him and why he feels upset
- Be clear about what you're going to do to prevent it from happening again
- Understand that whether or not they decide to forgive you is their choice and something that isn't in your control
- It might take some time for them to process the event and be willing to forgive
@diplomaticNickel9852 I am sorry you are having these struggles. Saying you are only with someone because you're lonely is honestly a pretty rough thing for someone to hear; you basically told him you aren't interested in him, so unfortunately it's kind of natural for him to want a break. Maybe you should work with a counselor to learn how to handle situations where you're feeling so upset better before you try to get back together.