Boyfriend lost feelings
I and my boyfriend have been dating for 6.5 years. In the begining it was bad and it used to be toxic and abusive until I put my foot down. I later went to college and started changing, I started getting flashbacks and got resentment towards him for the past behavior. I started making changes in our relationship according to him and started prioritising him less. He felt hurt and we had fights, he and I both used to say hurtful things to each other during fights. I realised I coudnt do it anymore and broke up but we reconciled later. He made me believe we love each other and that we can work on our fears, I told him this time I am going to go deeper into this and really forget our past and fall in love harder, I told him please don't hurt me again. However after getting back together he started slowly changing and started prioritising me less and less and got irritated with me. The moment we had conflict he wanted to give up. Recently we had some distance for a week after which he told me he has lost feelings and wants to break up. I asked him what did he mean by that because I couldn't believe him. He used to tell me he would never stop loving me or leave me.I was shocked, my heart ached and I think I died when I heard him say that. He said he doesn't care if I stay or leave and doesn't want this relationship anymore. He has completely lost feelings, hearing this my whole world crumbled. I begged him to not do this, I held his feet, I told him to lets go for couples therapy, I told him how will I live without you. He was adamant and he kept getting irritated with me while I begged and cried, he told me I am trying to convince and manipulate him by doing this. I kept reminding him how he had promised me and he told me remember how I was in your place, well now I feel stuck. I begged him continuously because of which he said he'll think about it. He agreed to take a week's time but I don't know what to do. I am so scared, how did this happen to me, it doesn't even feel real
Hello, I'm very sorry this whole thing happened to you in the first place..
This whole relationship from the very beginning was destined to fail because no boundaries were set, you both were younger and maybe a bit naive so when you then tried to ask for some respect he could not accept it, deep inside you were already not the same for him. Maybe because a more submissive patner would tolerate more some of his bad attitudes or maybe he just preferred the you that was in his old imagination, both of these options are bad for you anyway.
You can't be the person he dated back then, he is angry because he loves a person that does no longer exists. Your trauma, experiences and age all ended up forming the one who is present now, so him comparing you to your other self and feeling literal grief over a "ghost" could have ended up making him treat you worse even if it was initially his intention to try again with you a new chapter.
If you both acted wrong towards each other and I speak from experience from a long lasting relationship that started off very young.. no matter how much time passes only therapy, couple therapy to be precise can solve (and not always) those deeper issues.
Those words that you both spoke ill towards each other still echoes in your memories and no couple talk can ever solve that, and he obviously didn't think you guys were worth that option.
You have to prioritise yourself and don't ever put your own happiness in the hands of anyone because if they ever leave you are left without literally what to live for.
I had to learn this lesson very badly and.. I don't think there is a worse lesson to learn than this. He left so now you feel lost and don't know how to live but you will live and will learn to love yourself more than if you ever went back to him.
Your own self worth does not depend on anyone or if you are with someone or not.
You have to be your best friend, lover and sometimes even your own salvation.
It will be a long journey but don't ever go back to him if he threw you and your relationship away without trying everything.
Wish you the best luck
