Boyfriend wants more in relationship
Im not sure how I should go about this but here goes. I'm 21 and currently in college. I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year now. Recently, his sexual behavior towards me has changed. I always knew he liked porn, but I never worried about it. Before when we had sex, it was fun and we felt very intimate. But over the last few months, he has changed. Now he wants to do degrading sex acts on me. I feel extremely embarrassed saying this but, he wants to do degrading sexual acts (such as ejaculating on my face/mouth, choking, handcuffing me to the bed and having sex near our window so our neighbors can see)!!!!! He even admitted he thinks it's hot to degrade me and says it makes him feel more "manly"! I mean I get that men are sexually active and want the experiences they see in porn, but to want to have sex in front our windows so our neighbors can see us, is creepy for me! I prefer it when we were more intimate. Now its like he wants me to be his personal pornstar. Dont get me wrong I know its like his male fantasy but I want that extra intimacy. I also understand he wants to have fun but its like he only wants sex now which is a huge change when I met him a year ago. It makes me wonder if more men are like this. I mean dont get me wrong its fun getting more freaky and I do enjoy some of the things he wants from me. He is my first boyfriend and makes me wonder if I should be more adventurous like him?
@MarisolMari
hey, so it's completely normal for you to feel uncomfortable with what he's asking of you, everyone has their preferences. but regardless of how long you guys have been together please never do anything that makes you feel less or just anything youre not proud of.
having boundaries are healthy, and if he can't understand and RESPECT yours then I won't tell you to end things but maybe reevaluate why you would want to be with someone who would put his sexual desires over your needs.
sex is something that both of you should enjoy and feel comfortable doing, it's an act between the two of you.. I'm sure if it were the other way around you probably wouldn't force him to do something he doesn't want to do..
remember youre in this relationship too, meaning you have every right to feel good in it just as much as he does.. i THINK, (this is just my opinion) that if it's possible you guys should try finding a balance, meaning for him to understand that things cannot be like how they are in porn, so he has to meet you in the middle by allowing you to only go as far as youre comfortable..
please keep in mind that in any relationship, friendship whatever the case may be you should always feel comfortable and not feel ashamed. yes you may love him and want to make him happy but if his happiness results in you feeling guilty, uncomfortable etc; then is it worth it?
let me know if this helps, best of luck girl
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response to my question! I really appreciate and love your response! It's exactly what I was looking for to help sort this personal stuff out with my boyfriend. I wasn't so sure if anyone would help considering its TMI in my opinion. I did hesitate to write this since it was too private but I needed the advice. I was embarrassed about writing it but realized if I wanted an opinion I should ask it anyways. I agree with what your saying, I should establish boundaries with him. The reason why I haven't talk about this with him is because I want him to feel satisfied with me I want him to love him as much as he can. I don't want to deal with a break up especially during college. I am already stressed as it is. Honstly i need him. Like I said I do enjoy some of the freaky things he wants me to do but, he can be more demanding and adventurous. He is getting me into doing those "things". It seems to me like he is trying to normalize doing those sex acts with me. The way I see it I should satisfy him since I am his girl. My thinking is I should do what he wants and be more adventurous to take our relationship to the next level. That is why I hesitate to talk with him. Thinking about what you said about being comfortable and not ashamed.... I will definitely sit down with him and talk about it. I thought maybe I can sacrifice my shame for more of his love and not have to worry about any breakups because I really love him. I now realize i need to talk to him if i want to be more comfortable being in our relationship. Thank you so much for your support! Your response was helpful. Your an angel sending you love!❤😘💋💞
@MarisolMari
hey don't worry about it, yeah I understand why you would feel embarrassed lol but this is a safe space and this is a natural thing, my sister actually went through something similar so when I read this I knew I had to comment. as for the rest of your response , I'm sure you have more to offer then just sex so he should feel satisfied with you simply because you are you, you know what I mean? He should love you regardless of what you can do for him, and just love you because of your love. Based on reading your response you love him a lot which isn't easy to find in this world so that itself should be enough. You yourself are enough. Please don't get caught up in putting anyone's needs over your own, I know a breakup can be hard but I'm currently dealing with one in college as well but you know I'm hurt but I had to put myself first. Holding onto something that isn't good for you (not saying this isn't good for you) will be way worse in the end. Trust me, it took me a while to let go of this relationship. Just make sure youre comfortable because like you said youre already stressed enough as it is, so when you speak to him pay attention to whether he takes that into account and respects your feelings over his.. it will tell you a lot just by listening to his responses. I wish I had listened closer sooner. You have every right to pick and choose what you want to explore, sex is fun.. but only if everyone involved is having fun. I mentioned earlier about my sister going through something similar, he would demand her off her zoom class just to "do stuff" for him, and she would because she wanted to make him happy, but in that you can see .. someone who loves you would never put their own needs over yours. (Not saying he doesn't because I don't know the entire situation) just pay attention and protect yourself at all costs, you got this. Good luck with your conversation girl.
I am sorry for you being put in such a situation, I kinda have an idea about what you're going through... communication is key, and try to explain to him that porn is fake acting. I hope the best for you 
