Boy trouble

I think I'm in love with this guy but it's such a long complicated story so I'll try to just summarise it

we started talking in 2019 but back then I was toxic
I had lots personally issues I needed to deal with and I was at the hurt people hurt people point
anyways I really liked him and he liked me but my mom is strict so I refused to be his girlfriend
at the end of the year I agreed and we were together for 3days then I broke up with him because like I said strict mom so I was really scared she'd find out and I didn't want to lie to her
anyways him and i stopped talking and he went and had a rebound girl friend which really hurt
anyways beginning of 2020 I thought i was over him and i really liked a different guy ...so I was in a relationship with the different guy for 3months then I broke up with him because i just stopped seeing him as a boyfriend and more as a friend

a few weeks later the guy im in love with came back into the picture
we sorted things out and started talking again and of course I realised i still had feelings for him
He still had feelings for me too but he was afraid of getting hurt
at some point in November his phone broke and he disappeared for a week and I was really worried
then he got a new phone came back on a Thursday and told what happened and then barely talked to me and spent the whole weekend partying
I was really upset because I'm one those "get upset because i miss you" people
and be messaged me on Monday like he didn't just not talk to me all weekends
then he was upset because i was being cold and he blocked me
I didn't notice until I went and typed a whole apology then realised i was blocked
so we didn't talk for 2 weeks then one of my friends told me to just tell him how I feel
so I went on Instagram and told him and he unblocked me and told me he blocked me because he needed space and stuff

so we start talking again and he was giving me mixed signals so I told him that I really like him and i don't know if I should move on or if he feels the same
and he said he'd call me and we would talk when his Wi-Fi got fixed
he never called
and another guy asked him about me and he told that guy that I don't know what I want like I didn't just tell him how I felt

I took that as don't waste your time girl move on
then 2 weeks later he hits me up and says he likes me back and he was just scared to tell me
I was still upset and I had just started therapy so we stopped talking
and barely talked after that
by now it's 2021
we would talk once in a while
I saw him twice
I even made him a piggy bank (yes I'm 17 and I made him a piggy bank lol) I painted it and all
gave it to him

Anyways we barely talk now
we're both more grown up and mature
and I feel like we're strangers with memories
He talks like he still has feels for me ....offering to take me out and stuff but that was in June but I don't know

anyways I'm on his close friends on instagram and he posted a picture hugging another girl with hearts and stuff
And it hurts but not as much as it should because im used to suppressing my emotions when something hurts too much and I don't know how to feel the hurt so I keep laughing and smiling

I don't know how to react
this boy has had my heart for 3years and he doesnt even know it and I don't want to make a fool of myself by telling him but at the same i need to get it off my chest

I really wish we could sort things out and get to know each other now that we're older but I understand that I can't force things especially when he's got a new girl as long as he's happy I'll be fine...eventually

I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just venting lol
I'm sorry if there's any typos