Break up, childhood trauma and anger management issues
My partner have childhood trauma ( not being loved by mom) that we were not aware of until we had fight and he started to act like crying kid and pretty aggressive with me, after that night I break up with him because he overstepped my boundaries, he was aggressive verbally and physically with me, but I still love him, it hurts when you have to leave someone you love, and now I’m thinking to forgive him because I feel sorry for him I understand the situation and that was something out of his control, at the same time i’m worried of losing myself respect,,
If you’re already separated from him m and he’s abusive, don’t go back to him and have to suffer through this process and the. Leave him all over again. Only reconsider him if he goes to therapy and gets help long term for this
Now we are separated, but I told him I don’t want to let you go or give up on you just because you have problems or you might feel like you are not god enough and don’t deserve love, I want to stay here and support you, but he want to stay away, that breaks my heart! Even tho I offered my love he want to rake a space,,
He probably feels guilty for how he acted towards you and thus undeserving of you. Give him time. He probably didn’t know he could get to that point and is afraid of getting there again.
@freed000m,
people can change, if they want to.
If he wants to change, he has to do so with help, professional help. And that is his process, best way to help is to give him space and leave him alone.
There is two ways to cross boundaries, intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes people run into their past issues, trauma, whatever. And they struggle, are in pain. And get angry as they can't express themselves. Confused, overwhelmed, afraid, powerless. Hurt, in pain.
I have been there. I dealt with it. Did Costco me my marriage though, although my wife having an emotional affair didn't help.
Anyway, I have no excuses for how I behaved (I would get angry and lash out, verbally). Hurting me, hurting my wife. Until I had enough, and after hard work dealt with my triggers, related to childhood issues. I cannot express how much inner peace and space that created.
The challenge for me was to not be able to stop being triggered. Until I learned to recognize being triggered. I would starting to feel tense. Nautilus. Raising my voice. Talking staccato like going through a list of items like number 1, number 2, number x. Not listening. Cutting off others. Heavily using my hands while talking.
I found a blog once from someone who tended to get triggered all the time. He figured it out. Too late for his relship, not too late for him.
Can try to find that blog if you want me to.
I am writing this down so it might help both of you.
Trauma can be hard to deal with, and will never go away. But you can learn to deal with it. To not let it be an active part of the present. Hope you guys can work it out. Although love does not conquer all.
Take care.
@freed000m I understand the forgiveness part but should also forgive yourself you wasn't responsible for how your partner reacted towards you but it's something you can support him with but it's not your responsibility to feel the effects of his high emotions you didn't cut him to bleed on you. Stay strong and it's important to include self love and care fill your own cup before filling anyone else's.