Cheating Husband?
My husband and I have been together for about 4 years, we have an almost two years old, and its been rough moving for the first time together. We've been fighting a lot more, he never seems satisfied or seems like I'm worthy enough of his time. Since we got together it's always been a competition for his attention, but anything and anyone would come before me, now me and our son. It's been an issue I assumed I resolved the last time he chose his friends over me, that doesn't seem to be the case though. It's always something or someone that is more important, or gets more attention. His friends wanna go out and drink, He's there, he gets a call to play games, He's on them. We haven't had a date night in over a year because he is always around or talking to his friends. Moving here was hard on me, we just moved in January, where I had to leave my amazing and reliable job, and all of my friends and family, to move here. Its a new start and I had hope that both of us starting fresh would help our marriage. boy was I wrong.. I recently noticed a change in behavior, He's been more distant, He's leaving the house more, He's more angry then usual, (he's always had anger issues, and always taken it out on me) taking his phone everywhere with him, even turning it away or setting it down when I come around. Now I'm not one to sit around and let shady behavior slide, I asked him about it and he told me he made a friend and he didn't want me to overreact about it. I've never been one to tell him who he can or cannot be friends with, gender never mattered, as long as he is honest and open to me about it all, we have shared friends for the most part until he may this one. He told me it was at the beach and they started talking. It was whatever, until I asked questions. He finally let me go through his phone, after breaking down, and found out it wasn't just a friend.. She was found on Tinder, which I had no clue he had. He had been talking to her about the issues he has with me, how he hopes he and I dont work out, and even asked her for a shot "when" the divorce happens "if" it does. There's a lot more they talked about, but the important stuff I mentioned. The conversation between the two of them had only lasted a week before I put an end to that. We had a long and hard discussion about what was going on, how I felt about the situation and how I see it as cheating, my husband,on the other hand, does not. He feels sex is the only way one can cheat. For the sake of my son, and my hopes and love for this guy, he told me he regrets it and really wants to work and fix us, He's been home more and handing me his phone whenever it goes off (I didn't ask him to) so I want to believe that it can get better, but things are still rough. I have little trust now, when I had given him nothing but full trust from day one. This brings me to my feelings of insecurities and being worthless to him. I'm at a loss of what I should be doing, or if I'm naive to think that I can get over this wave of depression from him cheating on me. I want to hope that can pick up the pieces and fix it. How would I go about expressing my need to be put first in the relationship? How do I tell him I need a little bit of time to process and get over the cheating..? He wants to bounce back and act like nothing happened between us, and it's harder for me to do that. I need advice.
Cheating isn't just sex, it's also giving someone else the attention and care that you otherwise reserved for the one special person in your life. If he has any shred of remorse and he's willing to work it out for the family, then it's indeed a good sign. But yes, trust will be hard to regain. If you have any questions or hesitation, make them abundantly clear to him right away. Tell him that you are on board but you cannot wipe this from your memory. We never really do, we can overlook it, and that itself isn't easy. Keeping score is not recommended but forgetting blunders gives way to chances of more occuring in the near future. You're right to feel the way that you do, and he has to do his part to rebuild the faith you had in him before. It might never go back to that 100% but that's the harsh reality if it. We're never at a 100% anyway.
I just feel as if I'm not heard when I try to talk. I've expressed my opinion of cheating, and what it is. I've pushed myself into a hole of depression and I'm struggling to be strong, for my sake and my sons. He is showing little signs that he wants to correct his mistakes, and I greatly appreciate it, wanting this to work too, I've agreed to see someone to help me through my issues and to help fix us, but when I suggest he seek help too its get a shrugged off, or he comes up with an excuse as to why he can't go to therapy. I think deep down he's scared of it, but I'm wanting to try everything to get us somewhat back on track. I love him, and I would and have dinner everything for him, but this crushed me, and reading some of the hateful things he's said to this girl, they just keep replaying in my mind. I keep thinking if every scenario possible. I went from completely free reins, to not wanting him to leave the house without me. I've expressed I need time to rebuild, to try to trust again, and that it won't be an overnight process, but he keeps trying to push himself on me and go back to precheating. I want to just forgive him but I feel like its too soon and if I let my guard down again, it'll repeat everything.
They say trust is like glass - easy to break but hard to put back together. Your feelings are valid. I wish you and your husband the best. We all know relationships take lots of work and patience together. We’re here for you as you re-build that trust again. You are not alone!
I can definitely see the glass part of trust. Its shattered in my lap right now, and I want to piece it all back together but I'm so scared he will knock it back down if I start. I truly love him, and want this to work more than anything but I can't stop replaying everything in my mind, over and over. I've lost sleep and motivation. I do what I need for me and my son, but any down time is with deep thoughts and my mind racing ans it just puts me back to square one.
My hubby cheated on me.. I also notice his changing behavior when he started to distant away from me, and he is on his phone at all times wherever he goes. Despite i found out his affair but i choose to stay married to work it out together, but then i am very tired as i am the only one who keep trying to reconcile. I choose to forgive what he has done as i have always wanted a complete family for my son.. And on top of that i still love him. But his heart is just not here with me.. His temper is getting very bad and i am so hard to approach him. Whatever is said from my mouth is just not right to him.. We cant even calmly sit down n talk as it would ended up argument.
That's literally my life right now, it sucks, but we aren't alone. I want more than anything to make the relationship work, and to have a family, and to continue to love and support him but his anger, and his lack of care for everything is making it harder and harder every day. It's such a struggle. 😔
Oh wow this sucks and is hard. My advice to you would be to give another try to your marriage but also start thinking about yourself and your son now. Start doing something for yourself by yourself. I hope everything works out for you and your family.
I've been trying to give it another go, He's been so hostile and venomous toward me and I'm starting to just break down. I'm getting myself into therapy to try to fix what I can and what's broken, but I don't know how much longer I can take the blame of his actions.
