Cheating
Caught my boyfriend texting and deleting texts from his ex, he has turned her notifications off too which means he known I wouldn’t like it.
He apologised and told me he would stop talking to her, I told him I wanted proof of the message he sent her and he said no, that he was tired of this issue and that I have to trust that he sent it.
What do I do? I haven’t replied to his latest message, because he was angry and swearing about the stress this has caused him.
@Ophelia95
If he has stress he caused it not you........ so do not respond to his emotional outbursts.
Yes, I completely agree. But he is so volatile, I know he won’t think there is anything wrong with what he said. And I’m worried he will have a go at me for giving him the silent treatment.
@Ophelia95
if you really feel that is a possibility maybe you should rethink your relationship
he may need anger management
@Ophelia95,
how about simply trusting him?
How can I trust him after he’s lied and deleted messages before? He told me he knows he has to earn my trust, so why couldn’t he have just sent the screenshot?
@Ophelia95,
trust goes both ways.
He wants you to trust him, but he is not doing anything to earn your trust. He might consider that he’s the one that burned the bridge down by betraying your trust to begin with, so now he’s not really in a position to EXPECT you to “just trust him”. That’s not how that works.
If he gets mad and starts swearing, then that is just an avoidant strategy to shut down the conversation and escape actual accountability. Rather than discussing what your relationship needs to improve, what he needs to do to build the trust back up in your relationship, he is instead getting angry and using his OWN emotions as an escape to prevent you from expressing your disappointment and addressing the REAL issue which is his apparent unresolved feelings for his ex. I’m sure he was happier when he was breaking boundaries and didn’t think he would be exposed. But now that he is caught he is suddenly making it about his anger and his frustrations?
You both need to have an honest conversation about EHY he did that to begin with.
CatsInTheCradle
I have just got out of a similar situation. RUN!! It will only get worse. That’s just the truth. If he did it before and this is the second time he’s lying he will keep doing it as he can “get away” with it just because you stepped back because of his anger and forgave him. It’s a manipulative tactic to get you to distract from the issue. Like someone said he doesn’t want to deal with the accountability. He surely wouldn’t like it if you did this. If he has to hide anything from you love, that is a red flag.