Coming to Terms with How Bad it Really Was

I (F26) left my partner (M25) just over a year ago. We started dating when we were 16, we stayed together for 8.5 years before I realized that we were just too incompatible and his communication wasn’t supportive enough. We’ve tried to stay friends, even continuing to have sex on and off. He recently said some very hurtful things to me and continues to prove that speaking to me kindly and respectfully isn’t something he’s committed to trying. I cut off communication, blocked him on socials, and have begun to give up hope that we’ll get back together in the future.

I desperately want to text him or reach out, when he found out I blocked him he was very hurt and I feel bad, like I’ve done something wrong even though that’s what I needed.

I know talking to him is bad for me, but I feel the need to reach out and apologize and check on him. I just need support to stay strong