Continuing to go no contact
A couple of years ago, I cut off contact with someone with who I had only offered a one-sided friendship as they live in the same complex. Not long after, I found out that this person is a covert narcissist who caused everyone and our homeowner's association lots of problems and drama. Since then, I have done what I can to avoid this person.
However, this person has tried to manipulate me by attempting to offer me rides to the bus stop and get me to talk to them even if I politely say hi.
Other people have told me to tell them, "Don't talk to me" and ignore them.
@Summershy Hi! I hope you are doing well. It seems like you are better off without this person honestly. Kudos to you for sticking to your boundaries and doing what is best for you. Some people are just awful to be around and I don't blame you for wanting to be with others that reciprocate your friendship. You deserve to be surrounded with good people! Don't let their absence affect your life because you're better off without them. :)
I don’t see them that much but there are times where I pretend to be on the phone. Other times I just walk by and don’t say anything to them. If I do say hi, I have learned that they use that as an opportunity to ask why I am so mad at them. At that point, I firmly said that I am not talking to them and walked away.
When I talked to other people who have dealt with them, they said to keep firmly tell them, “Don’t talk to me.”
I tried my best to avoid them yesterday on my way to the bus. However, they ended up driving by and offered me a ride. At that point, I just kept walking and didn’t say anything.
However, how do I let them know that re-connecting isn’t going to happen?
@Summershy That's really good that you are doing your best to stay firm with them! I think if you are trying to let them know that reconnecting isn't going to happen, maybe you could just send them one final text and tell them you won't be reaching out anymore? Do you still have their number?
@Summershy,
just keep ignoring.
No they don’t
@Summershy Hmm. I think that makes it harder then. Honestly, just keep doing what you're doing and I would hope they would get the message. If they don't, maybe when you pass them you can just say something along the lines of I'm not in a space to communicate right now or something that fits your situation :)
@Summershy
Not sure what a one-sided friendship means, but from what I understand, you offered this person a one-sided friendship, then based upon gossip from third parties you suddenly unilaterally chose to end all communication/connections with no explanation to them.
It seems fair for them to be confused about what happened and seek answers as you mentioned, about why you're "mad" at them for no apparent reason, doesn't it?
We can agree to disagree on the friendship being one-sided on my end.
When I mean one-sided on their end, everything was all about them. They were never interested in me and what I had to offer the friendship. So I cut it off.
Regarding the “Gossip,” they were the president of our homeowner’s association for several years. Well, when they stepped down due to health issues, the current president took over, After that, they started sending out letters to complex stating their position was stolen. In fact, they harassed people for a year. They also manipulated the property management lawyer and dipped into the treasury to pay the attorney fees. This was so they could get their role back as president. Believe me, there is proof of this because I got newsletters.
In fact, they are not allowed to run as president anymore because of the trouble they caused.
@Summershy
Wow, that sounds like quite a public display of very bad behaviour (and questionable ethics).
Your decision to distance from this individual is completely understandable, even without the added hurt of never feeling prioritized in the friendship.
Thank you for sharing that detail to help me understand the background better.
Yes, they are narcissistic because they had this grandiose vision of turning the complex into a retirement community. However, they had some unrealistic requirements that went against guidelines.