Do I have to choose?
Evening all!
Bear with me - I’ll try to make this concise…
Im a 38 yo mother of 3 (18,17&14 - father passed away)
I was previously in an 8 year relationship which ended a year ago - in hindsight it was due to his lifelong (well-hidden) gambling addiction.
in the summer of last year I met a guy, a bit older than me and living a non-traditional life and we became friends, he offered me experiences I’d never had and we have a lot of fun. He challenges me intellectually which I love. After a few months of friendship we ‘caught feelings’ which developed into a relationship. All well, was never going to be traditional moving in, ‘step-daddy’ thing which is perfect. I’m happy with me & my little gang and life…perhaps assumed it would naturally fizzle out as he has some big work things this year and time together would wain.
Ex decided at Christmas last year that he would try to win me back, he appears to have conquered addiction and realised all the things he did wrong and wants to make me happy.
I still do care for him. He offers me and my children a more traditional life.
Officially I am no longer with either of them. Both of them profess to being very in love with me and want me ‘back’. I care deeply for them both. I don’t want a serious relationship (I don’t think) I like the independence of not having to answer to anyone for once.
I don’t want to lose either of them in my life, and selfishly I’d like to keep them both somehow. Is it wrong to ask them to have something not serious? I am NOT the cheating type FYI. This is a situation I never saw myself in and I’m very loyal which makes my feelings very hard to swallow.
I know this is selfish but I genuinely can’t choose. First guy offers me so much as my own person and I massively enjoy his company, my ex I’m not sure I fully trust yet but we’ve been through a lot and he’s fundamentally a good guy. I’m worried I will choose the wrong one and will definitely miss the one I don’t choose.
what should I do? I don’t want to be unfair or untruthful to either and I know this would massively hurt both of them.
is there anyway I win here? I suspect not…. :(
@loyalFarm7039
I think you have put much thought into it..... as your children are older and the traditional life may not be as needed .......... Please think of yourself long term.......
if one challenges you intellectually and will keep it fun vs safe / steady as long as his gambling issues does not come back .........
you could make a choice and regret but you could also look back and see that you made the best choice..... life is a gamble.
@loyalFarm7039 Five choices:
- Choose one
- Choose both
- Choose neither
- Have them challenge each other to a duel, winner take all (with something safe like paintball guns of course)
- Start a YouTube channel and let your fans decide
Yeah I know, that wasn’t helpful, but hopefully it made you laugh
Haha it did. Top 3 seem impossible, the last 2 however….. 😂