Don't know....
I’m in a 26-year relationship. We’ve been through infidelity, illness, financial trauma, and now questions about polyamory. I feel very alone because my partner is in a helping profession and I don’t feel safe sharing my full experience anywhere. I’m not sure what I need, I just don’t want to hold it by myself anymore.
@communicativeCamp6705
it seems to be a question more have come across. From friends that tried something like this it ended their marriage. I think some long-term relationships think they can add to the issues already there. it is hard to keep long-term going ...
I too am in a long term and gone thru all you wrote as well. Is this your partners idea or yours?
Mutual idea. Poly isn’t really the problem, I feel a true sense of compersion when they talk about other partners. I mean there is an issue of their jealousy, but this isn’t what I am holding mostly. The real problem is the past issues that seem to keep rearing their head. Partner travels for work a bit and almost every time they travel we have a big relationship talk before or after. And seems to always be around something in the past that I have (or have not) not done. I can own my issues, have no problem being called out, but I feel very alone in not being able to air out my hurts too. It seems like a “fix you, then we can fix that” type of response. We went through an incredibly difficult time with a child with a terrible disease (they are doing better) and I came out with a new lease, ready to restart everything, but I get bogged down when they bring up the past and I get stuck (in my head) with “what about what you did to me thoughts).
@communicativeCamp6705
I can understand I have been there too. it is making it impossible to fix.
Example my partner would say we could fix something after I acted happier and quit being mad when they did junk. which translated said I sacrifice and play nice and give him a pass..... nope.
Working on ourselves and relationship should never be one sided or contingent on if we do something they want.
