FWB or Not?
I’ve been fwb with this guy for about 4 months and honestly we don’t know each other but when we hang out it I feel comfortable with him like I’ve known him for a long time (best friend vibe) and I can tell him everything about life, work, etc. I feel like he feels that way too cause he does the same.
I ALWAYS ask to hang out and he is always down unless he already had plans and MOST of the time we hang it’s like Netflix and chill at his place but not straight to the point we would literally watch like 2-3 movies, episodes or w.e
When I’m there over weekends sometimes he asks if I want to crash there and then go home in the morning or whenever I’m ready. Most of the time I do other times I’m like nahh I got responsibilities tomorrow.
I asked him last month what we were he said friendsss….. he asked why do you feel more I said idk what I feel and I asked it back he said noOoo…imma be transparent with you, I ain’t trying to lead you on or hurt you and if you’re ever uncomfortable let me know. I said okay thanks.
We also talked about if we are seeing other people to let each other know because we want our health to be safe. I asked twice if he was seeing or talking to others he said no. Recently he didn’t realized I was still talking to this one guy that he knew about from day 1 and asked if I had sex with him yet I said no I’m not comfortable with that person and he said okay then quickly changed the topic.
We text EVERYDAY and sometimes before I come over he restocks his mini fridge with coconut water and vitamin water for me which I think is really sweet.
I know when a guy says he isn’t interested to believe him and that’s how my mentality he but mannnnn he is confusing AF!
Would love to hear your thoughts!
@emotionalSkies3636
I can only see bffs , cannot see fwb in your situation.
But we do hook up when we hang out lol so it is fwb
@emotionalSkies3636
Ok , its a little difficult to imply what he wants when he says that he is not interested . But did you ask him hypothetically that would it be fine with him if you were to change your fwb to relationship ?
NoOoo.... After he said he wasn't interested in me more than friends I felt like it was already a lost opportunity.
@emotionalSkies3636 WOW...this sounds so similar to my new "boyfriend"...He's a very nice guy. I feel good with him. We ONLY go 1x a week because of his job and the club he belongs to and helping his family. I have no one to hang out with and want to hang out more with him. He says he really digs me all the time. He tells me how much he enjoys being with me. He shares his day with me. He text me (almost) every morning and evening. We have nice chats in person. He's kind and funny and sweet. I like him. BUT it's been several months and he has not invited me to his house. He says he lives alone. I have roommates and it's not good to have him to my apt. We are both mature adults. I'm "afraid" to ask about going to his house - don't want to feel needy. He says he needs to clean up and get it ready for me to visit...WTH...I want to be sexually intimate with him...but we can't if we don't have a place. It's like being teenagers at 50. Ugggh. He's the only connection I have to not feeling bad all the time right. WTH? Thanks for listening. peace.
@healthymind75
well that last part i can relate to 'cleaning before inviting someone over' but he could have other reasons too for not inviting you over . anyways thank you for sharing your story.
What other reasons is there that he doesn't invite me over? But every time I ask to hang out we end up at his place.
@emotionalSkies3636
If he told you he was seeing other women tomorrow, would you feel jealous about it? If he told you there was someone else that he has developed feelings for, and he has to break off the ‘benefits’ with you, would your feelings be hurt at all?
You told him you don’t know how you feel. But when you asked him ‘what are we?’ — if he had said ‘I really like you, I love our connection, I love our chemistry, I want to see what happens with you [exclusively], let’s start dating!’ .. would you have agreed to it? Would that have made you excited/happy?
Sometimes, we don’t want to be too committed if we think the other person is just being casual. So there’s always a risk in being the first one to develop feelings, to being the first one to admit emotional attachment. But these [FWB] situations tend to become more complicated as time passes, especially if there’s emotional intimacy [cuddling, talking about deep and personal topics, vulnerable exposure]. It’s a situation that encourages attachment and bonding.
You need to be true to your feelings. He says he ‘doesn’t want to hurt you, or lead you on’ - but at some point [if] you get attached to a guy who only wants a casual FWB arrangement, the outcome is very probably going to be you getting hurt somewhat. So just try to be conscious of where your feelings are taking you and where you both stand, so that you can recognize sooner when it’s starting to get too ‘complicated’ to end well.
Wishing you all the best with it~!
CatsInTheCradle
I feel like I would be slightly hurt but appreciate him tell me that he seeing someone. I know he is talking to other people because he's on dating apps and my mindset says I don't have the right to be mad or jealous cause we aren't together.
If he told me lets start dating I think I would've said no because I'm not ready to date yet. But I don't wanna us sleeping with others if we are sleeping with each other, is that selfish?
So you also believe that his response to me also means that he isn't interested and never will be?
@emotionalSkies3636
To me it sounds like he’s treating it as an occasional hook up while keeping his options open (I.e if someone attractive came along on a dating site there’s no reason why he wouldn’t hook up with them also). The advantage of not being ‘exclusive’ is that you’re both free to do that of course. But then you said ‘I would rather he didn’t have sex with others if we are sleeping with each other. Is that selfish?’
So that tells me at the very least you [kind of] want sexual exclusivity with him, even if you don’t want to date him exclusively.
Suppose [if] he’s never interested in more than hooking up with you? What if this casual arrangement is all he’s offering now and forever? Will that change something in how you feel about the situation?
yesterday told him that I’m starting to talk to someone new. His comment was that the guy was handsome for me to make sure he pays for my meals and ask the guy to take me to fancy restaurants and I should be in good hands with a nurse.
today, he hasn’t spoken to me at all and we generally talk everyday.
You know I have always been told those FWB connections never work out for a couple of reasons. First you most of the time you can actually end up having feelings for the person you are giving benefits to. The other is if you happen or happen to get into a new relationship with another person and do not tell the person that is your FWB that can cause issues as well. I have a good friend of mine that was in a FWB relationship with a college friend of hers. At first it was just a sexual thing but she called me one night and said I think I am becoming attracted to him in an emotional way. Also when she got a new boyfriend she did not tell her new boyfriend that she had a FWB and when he found out he broke up with her and the breakup with very bad she was very unhappy for a while. So just be carful
@emotionalSkies3636
First of all, it seems like you have found someone who is honest, kind, and a good friend to you. That's wonderful. :)
But I feel like you are on the brink of feeling more for him (or even past that). You are wondering whether that's the case for him, too. He told you it isn't, but you seem to hope that he feels more nonetheless.
How much do you really feel for him?