Feeling Stuck or confused
Hi, Thank you for taking to the time to read this.
I have been in an on and off relationship for 4 yrs now, he has broken up with me at least 4 times. He lives an hour away, works so hard, does sport and studies so he doesn't have much time to see me. He sees me maybe once a week or maybe once every 2 weeks. He says he has no money but he isn't spending it on me, plus he has two cars. He never responds to my texts. I am afraid that he is cheating on me, afraid that he is going to break up with me again. He wants me to get fat for him. He is the first guy that I have every been in a relationship with and the first guy that I have ever been in love with. I do not know what to do because when I think about breaking up with him but it hurts me and makes me cry. He says that he loves me but I dont know if he does. I have tried telling him how I feel through writing a letter that I gave to him in person and he read it and brushed what I had said off and just said that he loved me and cuddled me. Sometimes when he isn't here I spend some nights crying. I have not met any of his friends, been to his work. He doesn't invite me over to his and he doesn't come to my families for dinner. I don't know if I am wasting so many years of my life if he doesn't see a future with me because I see a future with him. We have talked about kids but that is as far as the conversation goes. When he comes over he just stays the night and leaves in the morning. When he does come over it does make my day and week better. With the money situation, I wanna help but I can't because I don't have much money and also the fact that I don't have a job. He doesn't want to move in with me. I just never know what is going through his mind. I try and ask him but he just brushes it off but always wants to know how I am feeling and what is going trough my head. I have dreams and think about different scenarios about how to tell him how I feel and am always afraid of his reaction.
I really need help or advice on what I should do. I just feel like I am stuck but at the same time, I really do love him.
You need to establish healthy boundaries. If he wants to know how you think and what you feel then you need to convey to him that you also want to know how he feels and what he is thinking. As for getting fat, you should decide how you want your body to look on your own or together. You need to have a discussion which doesn't involve you caving in to his demands, but expressing what you want and imagine for your future together. Four break ups means that you are stuck in a cycle and dragging it out. You need to find a solution to the major issues you are having or one of you might get burnt out or both continue the cycle endlessly. I won't comment on the financial situation. I think it's a dangerous slope if you aren't ever going to meet or spend time with his friends or family or vice versa, because it seems like it isn't that serious or maybe he's afraid of something. You might want to seek counselling for any issues which you have and to help figure out what you want to do and where you want to go. But I think you are afraid of being alone, and that's not enough to make a relationship work on it's own.