Feeling bored in my relationship, but it's a pandemic
I've been with my partner 4 years and lately I've been thinking about our relationship since I plan to move really far away and want to make our relationship work long distance.
My partner is sweet, kind, and funny. He does sweet things like rub my back when I'm sad, do the dishes for me, and make jokes about situations so they don't feel so serious. He only wants the very best for me and I am thankful for him every day. But lately when I think of my ideal partner, I've been thinking of someone who is adventurous, daring, your stereotypical person who opens your eyes to the world around you type of person. My boyfriend is so kind and sweet, but he isn't very adventurous in terms of his goals and aspirations, and we tend to function in the same routine. I love him, but lately I feel like I've been missing out on adventure. We mostly just sit around. I don't know if that's the pandemic's fault or not. I don't want to move away later for grad school, make this work for a year, but then end up getting to restless later on and have him move to be with me only for me to leave, because that would be horrible. Again, I do think I love my partner, but Im just bored. And I'm not totally sure how to change that monotony and get a little romantic adventurous spark going again.
@casiopea3199 I have had similar thoughts in my relationship. But I would describe myself as a dreamer. I am always thinking of something I want to do, a place I want to go. Before our relationship I would take random road trips and things of that nature. My partner is structured, planned, and is not adventurous. She works a hard job and is gone all day and when she gets home, it is always shower, dinner, tv, bed. I have tried to plan weekend trips away, and she won't have it, because it is too last minute.. too unplanned. There are many people out there questioning the same things as you. I do not know your scenario enough to tell you what to do. But I will say this. Do not forget the good parts of your relationship. Are you secure? Do you see yourself settling down? Could you look back and think it was the biggest mistake you ever made if you left him? It is true there are millions of people out there, but do not forget thr good parts of your relationship because over time they can be forgotten. Sometimes we do not know what we have until it is gone. However on the flip side... if the adventure inside you is never going to be acknowledged by your partner, it is going to eventually cause problems. Our days on this earth are numbered. I suggest you talk to him about your concerns, your needs. Make a conscious effort to take those trips you dream about. If your partner does not show that he is putting in effort to make changes, agree to do things with you, while knowing what is in your heart, you will have to decide what is more important to you. Life is short. I am on a similar ledge so to speak. I wish you luck
First off, if marriage is possibly in your future, figure things out now and not after getting married. That being said, you’ve been together long enough to know how different you are and it’s causing you distress that you aren’t getting what you need. I’m in the same place after almost 16 years of marriage. I was 22 when I got married and only knew I wanted a good guy. I didn’t know how much I want and person who has a zest for life and ongoing individual growth and excitement like you said. My guy is a stick in the mud. A great dad, provider, but Boeing as heck! He has very limited conversational skills and no need to emotional connection outside of sex (he is respectful though in that area). AND let me tell you—as the years go by my disappointment and regret and resentment has only grown.
