Feeling helpless
Hi, I don't know if this belongs here but I'm having a hard time feeling accepted by my husband and his family. I have terrible anxiety which messes with my head giving me a lot of insecurities about my relationships with people. I'm also suspected by my family of being autistic which explains a lot and my inability to form social connections with people and having emotional meltdowns/shutdowns when I feel overwhelmed by everything going on around me etc. I feel super isolated and misunderstood because they don't know what autism is or how it effects me and my behavior. Mental health illnesses are also stigmatized here which makes it very hard for me to explain what I'm struggling with. I'm constantly beating myself up for every mistake I make and I get very depressed afterwards. I feel like I'm defective fundamentally as a person because I can't fit in. I'm very quiet and have a hard time speaking out loud and am extremely shy and nervous around people and can't handle being out in public or I feel overwhelmed by the noise. I don't know how to explain myself to them or why I need my room to myself so I can calm my nerves when I'm having a hard day. I feel like I'm the problem that needs to be fixed and I cry myself to sleep and can't seem to make myself heard when I try to talk to my husband about what I'm feeling. I'm seriously considering seeing a psychologist and getting a proper assessment so I can figure out what I need to do to get better, but I'm scared to ask for help.
I feel like reading your post is me talking to myself. I have had depression and anxiety issues for the past 16 years. Nothing has helped. I saw a psychiatrist and he told me I was bipolar which I kind of figured before I went. My symptoms are similar to yours. It’s literally crippling. I feel like something in me is broken. My brain feels like something is misfiring. I don’t have a clear mind most of the time. I am forgetful and can’t concentrate. I am not social like I used to be. I just have a lack of interest in everything. My husband is so mean and picks at everything I do because I mess up or get confused sometimes. His family is the same way. When I have my down times they just say look at what u have and be happy. Appreciate the food I have in your life. Having depression or being bipolar isn’t that simple. No matter what u do it’s not like u can just turn on your happiness. It’s called depression for a reason. I understand your pain and frustration. It’s hard when people don’t understand what you are going through. If they did then they would be more understanding about your struggles. They should be supporting u and helping u through this. They should not be negative or judge mental towards u. That is going to make your situation worse. I definitely suggest seeing a psychiatrist and trying medication. Of course therapy is never a bad idea. Not everyone agrees medicine is the way to go, but I think it is. It definitely can’t make things worse than they already are! You need some kind of help to push you past your struggles. Like I said… depression is crippling!!
