How do you know who’s the one?

I just had a break up

i need help trying to figure it out… I had a previous relationship that starter a bit more that two years ago. It was a really good relationship but I ended it because I needed to have some personal space and time to deal with my mental health issues.

i failed at that attempt because I immediately jumped into another relationship. I tried to be honest about where i was standing emotionally and mentally but at the end of the day my actions were inclined to be with her even since I was just friends with her and I was still with my girlfriend.

i never cheated or overlapped them. But going into the second relationship I was very confused as to what to feel. I had a hand break and I consciously decided not to be romantic, not to be cute, not to be a good partner because in my mind if I did that was gonna be worst because I couldn’t be fully in a relationship. Through out a few months I kept going back to the same place. Telling her that I couldn’t be with her because I didn’t know how to be with a person at the moment and I still had feelings for my ex.

at that point I find my self loving two persons, two amazing persons, that I admire, respect and love. I have learn so much from them and they have been so important to my overall grow.

i believe I was a victim of my self. I wanted to play victim of being pursued by the person I like, so I wouldn’t take any of the responsibility.

my first ex talked to me again and we’re starting to be friends. But I recently confessed that I’m not her friend. That I still have feelings for her and that I didn’t know what to do. We’re very good friends and have been for more than 15 years. So I’m not scared of being her friend. I’m scared of wanting to be her partner and not realizing that. Same with the other person. I ultimately ended up things to clear my mind and have the space I needed before taking a decision.

I recently talked to her and it was really hurtful. She said that I was a person with a lack of integrity and morals. That I needed serious help If I wanted to have a somewhat satisfying life and that I should get therapy if I want to talk to her. I agree, I have a distorted perception of the reality that I create and then play victim of. But Damn it was hard to hear. That I was that kind of person. She concluded that I don’t shave what it takes to fix myself and that I’m weak. I’m echoing those phrases in my mind non stop and it’s really hard to separate my mistakes from my responsibility, from guilt, from playing victim. I hear her, I conveniently took advantage of the fact that she wanted so bad to be with me. I thought that my responsibility was to tell her that I couldn’t and that was it. I now believe that I had to fulfill that responsibility with actions, not words. To do it, not say it.

i really don’t know what to do, what’s the best approach, what feelinga to trust.

I’m grateful that I have options, but it’s a curse really. they would be.

1. to really try to make it work with my first partner
2. try to have two girlfriends at the same time
3. don’t have any partner and let them go
4. try to make it work with my second partner

I’m hurt by my second ex, and I don’t like how she express… am I just trying to hide again of the pain and trying to play victim when in reality she’s right?

or should I not agree with her approach and take a cynical approach of her attitude? Honestly? Saying those things? Saying that I don’t have what I takes I that I’m weak to do anything to fix my self.

ssaying that I’m a liar when in my mind, I have been nothing but honest with her. I have been more honest with her than with anyone. All of our problems, or majority of the ones she had with me were because of my honesty, because I would be honest about my feelings for my ex and the fact that as a male im constantly attracted to women. I could have done what every other man does whic is just his mouth and just ride the lie, even though they don’t realize they’re living one.

so again… how do you know who’s the one?