Hurtful Comments From Spouse
Do you ever feel like after you have said something to your significant other that it gets used back at you at different times? I don’t know if it’s on purpose or if it’s just to mess with me. For instance we were at the grocery store this tall young black male who works there had said he saw me earlier but then said now wasn’t you and my wife chimed in and said oh we live close by he probably see us in here all the time. And I wanted to say yeah I’ve been in here plenty of times and I’ve seen the guy that I’m referring to in the store quite a few times I’ve had a couple conversations with them. Anyway after we leave and my wife makes some comments about me being on gay dating sites and all the stuff and I’m not. How do you deal with a partner that makes comments like that, and not let it affect you?
@liquidfuse
Sorry that that happened. 💜 Based on the information you've shared with your wife about being bisexual/queer and knowing that you've been in the grocery store often and seen this young man, she made a comment that you have been on gay dating websites. Whatever reason she had for saying it (e.g. maybe a playful joke), it hurt you because it isn't true at all, you value your relationship with her, and you care very much about maintaining fidelity irrespective of your sexual orientation.
I don't know the answer to how to handle it, but it's a good question. Just brainstorming two sort of general options that each have their own sort of logic behind them:
- Try to discuss it with her and share how it makes you feel and why and express that you'd be appreciative if she's able to hold off on saying things like that in the future. The rationale would be that it might help for her to know how you're feeling and maybe she might be able to change what she's doing, which would help you feel safe/trusting in the relationship.
- Try to ignore it. One possible rationales for this could be if it feels like that discussion could lead to a conflict that does more harm than good and isn't worth it. Or if maybe she has generally been trying her best and you're able to focus on those positives and feel gratitude and forgive her.
I wonder which one you might feel like you're leaning toward?
