I am horrible at relationships
I have 0 real friends. Or at least I think I don't. Because I have a few "friends" who text me for my birthday but nothing else. My birthday was this Tuesday, so I got an idea of who remembers that I exist.
Going back to middle school and high school, I have never been good at relationships. I stuck with a group of friends that I knew from middle school. But as soon as new friends started joining the group, I started getting outed. When I tried creating my own group, they also outed me. The person who I thought was my best friend said she never saw me that way. And my best friend group, which I also tried to lean to when my other group didn't work out, ended up spending time without me, and I had to find out about it through social media. I was never able to do everything else I was doing because my parents were strict. So I was never able to socialize.
My friend and I grew up until we stopped getting along due to differences in opinion.
My mom leaned on me for emotional support and made me feel bad for ever being born, so it was hard to get along with her. She wasn't a bad mom; she just wasn't emotionally unavailable.
My dad was even worse, emotionally and verbally abusing my siblings and me. And physically abusing my mom.
I feel like I never really trusted anyone.
I started creating friendships at my workplace, but I feel like all of those relationships were circumstantial. We grew apart.
Will I ever find any real friends? Or mend the relationships that are supposed to matter?
@courteousBunny8852
I'm so sorry you're going through this, but unfortunately, your story is a common problem for many people in this situation. You grew up in an unhealthy environment, plus you've become less trusting and perhaps insecure, plus your connections with your friends were purely formal. School, work—those are formalities. True friends, in my opinion, are those people with whom you connect personally. They value you as a person. So, you're actually okay, you just need someone who wants to be friends with you beyond just working and studying together. That's the point. The search isn't easy, but it will yield the best results. So, I want to say that you deserve a friend/friends and you will definitely find them. And you'll become even better, more open. Hold on and believe in it!
@courteousBunny8852
Many friends are circumstantial anymore. So many people may say happy birthday if the see or is on reminder on social media, but others may miss it and not reach out personally. it is IMO not a reflection on you.
What items end your friend relationships? example in groups my "friends" always wanted to go places often not items I did. Meeting at a bar after work and I am not a drinker. live in a place where traffic is an issue and the place, they picked far out of my way... after a couple of times saying "sorry, i cannot make it" and slowly the invitations disappeared. I felt left out sometimes but even going to a few i was not having fun just making an appearance.
I decided to make many acquaintances. enjoy a new friendship for as long they last and not worry about being cut out.
@courteousBunny8852Many friends are circumstantial anymore. So many people may say happy birthday if the see or is on reminder on social media, but others may miss it and not reach out personally. it is IMO not a reflection on you.
What items end your friend relationships? example in groups my "friends" always wanted to go places often not items I did. Meeting at a bar after work and I am not a drinker. live in a place where traffic is an issue and the place, they picked far out of my way... after a couple of times saying "sorry, i cannot make it" and slowly the invitations disappeared. I felt left out sometimes but even going to a few i was not having fun just making an appearance.
I decided to make many acquaintances. enjoy a new friendship for as long they last and not worry about being cut out. You will find real friends I have a few we may not talk for long times but when we do it is like time never past. The item that surprised me was those friends were not the person i thought would be the ones who were the long-term person.