Idk what to do anymore
I've been with this guy for going on 3 years. The first year was great. Kinda. I'm really in love with this guy and I'd do anything for him. The way he makes me feel on good days is over the top. However. He constantly throws up our miscarriage. Tells me it's my fault. Randomly searches me, daily. If not 2-3 times a day. I have a camera on me, not the entire home, just where I usually am, 24/7. Plus cameras outside our home. He checks my phone up to 5-6 even 8 times a day. He makes me go outside while he goes thru all my belongings. Takes what he has given me and the. Says it was only for me to use. If he bought it. And even if it's for a female. It's his. He yells at me and tells me I'm childish for trying to talk about whats bothering me. Tells me I'm childish for crying. He throws things at me. He's held guns to me, punched me, broke my cheek bone, left me in the middle of the night out in the middle of no man's land to walk home. He's kicked me out and made me sleep on the streets because "my mouth". I do have a tendency to call him out on the things that he does. Like, being on 20 different meet/chat/video/dating apps and sites. He tells me I'm childish for wanting social media to know we are in a relationship. We was always "in a relationship" until he put up he was single here recently. I have a schizophective disorder and I'm on medications for that and depression. He never takes me anywhere with him anymore. He accuses me of doing things I know I haven't done. He tells people he bought me a car, yet refuses to let me go anywhere but to the store and back. If I'm not back within 30mibs he threatens to call the cops and say I stole it. I'm on the insurance as a driver however. I'm not allowed to talk to people about my relationship issues. I'm not allowed to write a dairy or journal. He goes into my emails, google accounts, all the way to the deep roots of a phone. Extensive research. It's almost like living in a prison. I'm unsure because I've never been in one but it seems that way. I have to clean up everything after him and then get yelled at for moving stuff. He leaves everything everywhere. And my clean ups normally last about 10mins. I'm almost always home alone. Am I just dumb? He tells me that I have no rights. I walked into his life and left mine behind. I'm not even allowed to take a shower or bath unless he's home. He tells me I lie all the time and even tho I know I'm not, I have to agree with him or get kicked out. Everything is my fault and even if all the proof in the world shows my innocence on the camera, he refuses to look at it. If I get money in the mail from my mom or from surveys I do online. He takes it. Says it's his for taking care of me. I'm not suppose to talk when he's mad or take up for myself when he wrongfully accuses me. I don't have anywhere to go. I have like 2 friends I can't talk to. He tells me I deserve everything I get from him because I had a miscarriage. He's super nice and sweet on other days. Like polite, pleasant and such a gentleman. Anyone ever been in this type of situation?
Honestly - does anyone need to be in your position? You said one nice sentence and ended it with “kinda” and then the rest of their behaviour was insane. What do you want? If you don’t want to be there, make a plan in your mind and disappear. If he’s this controlling now he’ll be more controlling when you try to leave.
Hey honey. I've been in a similar situation to you, just not hit physically but I lived with an extremely verbally abusive man. He moved us around alot so I wasn't able to make friends and he wanted me at home, not working so I was financially dependant on him. He would tell me if I walked, I would have nothing. He had a drug addiction issue, used most of his money on drugs then blamed me for allowing it. The once he even told me to go sell myself to pay the bills after he spent it all. I didn't obviously but he seemed pretty serious. Swearing, shouting the works. I actually started recording him. That's probably why he checks your phone, to make sure you haven't recorded him. It is also often the one that is paranoid about unfaithfulness that is the one that is unfaithful. I was also accused of cheating on him countless times when I never did yet he had the dating apps too and went away for weekends. You wouldn't be sending that message if you didn't know it was wrong. You know in your heart that what he is doing is wrong. It is hard to love someone that is abusive and it's hard to walk away from someone you love. Especially if they have convinced you that you don't deserve better. But you do. My turning point was when I heard someone say, your children will end up with someone who treats them the way he treats you or will end up treating others the way he treats you. Imagine you had a daughter. This precious innocent beautiful little thing, looking at you, smiling with nothing but pure love in her eyes. Now imagine someone treating her the way this man is treating you. Would that be ok? Would you want that? No. So why are you any different? Why are you any less valuable than that little girl? You do not deserve this and walking out with nothing but a bag of clothes is still better than living in a situation like that. You clearly have a mother that loves you. Tell her the truth and ask her to come get you. Wait till he isn't there, quickly pack a bag and go. Start strategically placing the stuff u would want to take in places for easy grabbing. Bit by bit so that it isn't noticed. Then when he's not there and ur mom is there to get you, grab it and run. You are worth more than this, you can start a new life for yourself and you can be happy. I remember after I left, it was the first time I realized how bad it actually was when people and guys around me were actually nice and it was confusing. Only to realize that it's actually how it's supposed to be
I am bipolar so I know the symptoms very well. That sounds like a lot like the way he is acting. I never got angry and
abusive like that but my father did. He is bipolar too. My dad was abusive, beat us and my mom. Yelled screamed went through her stuff. Stop by and check in on what we are doing(didn’t have cameras then) Blaming my mom for everything that happend. Wouldn’t let her work until we were in late middle school and didn’t want her to have friends. Other times he was the nicest guy I had ever met. He puts a show on when people around so they don’t know how he really is. Thank goodness that anger skipped me or I don’t know what I would do. I know my issues and I try to control them and do pretty good. Just got on meds a month ago actually! Anyway enough about my family issues… your man sounds exactly like my dad. GET OUT GIRL! Run away as far as u can. Go to a shelter I don’t care. U do not deserve to get on the abusive end of his issues! sending love and support your way!