I don't think dating is for me - Sexual assault warning
I'm almost 20, and I haven't had a single consensual experience with a man.
Not matter how polite the guy is, it seems like they push me for things I'm not ready for or blatantly ignore my boundaries. I had a difficult time admitting my experiences weren't consensual. I always explain how far I'm willing to go with a guy, set my boundaries, then we mess around. But time and time again, the guy escalates the situation by continuing to ask for things I had refused until I say "yes," or they claim afterward they "forgot" my boundaries.
However, I didn't realize this was assault since I never told them to stop in the moment since I would freeze. I never want to make a big deal out of it, so I usually just break up with them. However, the disgust I continue to feel when it comes to sex doesn't make me excited to try again.
I'm perfectly happy being single, so I think I'm going to either stop dating or just stop dating men. Does this seem reasonable? I would like to hear opinions and maybe even receive validation, especially since this realization was recent and I still don't know if my experiences count as "sexual assault."
@AllenDevillate
Oh my dear, I hear you and I feel you. I totally understand how you feel. I suffered from this for years and still do. I was young when it began and now I am old with the same problem of not being able to be intimate. I was put in a loveless marriage and things never got any better for me with intimacy. I tell you this because I was abused ongoing from the age of 4 years old to being an adult and I never enjoyed it at all.
I think I should say to you my dear that I strongly suggest that you get Therapy to help you resolve and work through this because being alone and not being able to tolerate the affection of another is a lifelong sentence. I understand the Triggers and the uncomfortableness of this but is still hard.
Those guys that took advantage of you that was rape. Even though you said nothing they took advantage of you and that was wrong. Because of our past, it is so easy for us to go into that flight or freeze mode it is what kept us safe. Not your fault. It happens. I still experience that fight or flight at times when I am triggered. Your feelings are valid and you are valid.
Getting help is crucial to your future, I know and I don't wish my lifestyle with my husband on anyone. I have a husband who has been unfaithful, why because I feel I can't but that hurts even the more. I realize it was not my fault but does not change the constant pain I feel for being inadequate and less than a woman. I felt as you do in my younger days. However, it would be nice to feel a hug or the closeness of a warm body occasionally. But I can not stand touch.
Just sharing a few of my personal experiences with you to think about. Your choice is yours. But I hope you can see and think about what you want in your life. I think it would be fair to say that you did want companionship and you deserve that if you want it.
Emotions do change and time has a way of making us look back over decisions we have made in life. I want them to not be regretful.
I am sorry if I have got out of pocket with this post, no harm intended at all.❤️
