I feel so alone and scared

I’m not sure if writhing this down will help me feel better but I’m running out of options that aren’t just smile and get over it. I’ve been in an LDR for 7 years now, well the first year and a half we lived together unofficially in college (most nights I stayed in his dorm and slept on a cot) but that’s beside the point, I haven’t seen him since March because of Covid and it’s been the hardest year of my life! I know others have it far worse then me but I can’t help how I feel and how I feel is depressed, alone, and scared. Each time we’ve tried to meet up during all this life told us no, we got called back to work then his family came down with covid, and the latest one has been the one hardest one. He’s prone to kidney stones and this time around they were so bad they sent him to the ER twice in one week, he’s pasted the stone since then but it left damages to his kidney and he’s been on morphine regularly just to deal with the pain. I can’t physically be there for him and the med keep him so tired we can barely talk with each other and when he’s not on the meds he’s angry and refuses to talk to me for fear of saying things he’ll regret. I’m not sure what writhing this all down will do, crying atm while typing this, but I guess it’s nice to just get it out, no one at home really listens anymore or they just tell me to put my chin up and smile because it could be worse. Anyway, thanks for reading this if you did, I hope all is well with you and your families.