I felt better when he was away

I have been married to my husband for five years; we have a 3 year old son. He is a stay at home dad and takes care of our son while I work. We have been having trouble for a while. Our sex life sucks - I feel like it is a chore. He doesn't appreciate me for how much I work. I've struggled with depression. Right now we're basically roommates who have terrible sex every once in a while.

Recently he went on a four day trip. It was amazing - I felt present with my son, I didn't feel judged at all for my parenting, I was energetic and the chores didn't feel nearly as bad. My son was better behaved. Everything felt so much EASIER.

I'm struggling with my feelings around this and what it means - if it's my fault for being self conscious around him and trying to do things too perfectly when he's around. But it was just so nice to have time with my son and not have my husband there. I can't help but think about if it was like this all the time. I don't know if anyone out there has any advice or has gone through a similar situation.