Im not sure

I am scared and anxious that if I leave my boyfriend, he leaves me me, or something comes to happen that will affect our chances of being together I am afraid that I will move on so quickly I did for my other past Situationship’s I recognize moving on quickly isn’t what I want and I actually want to feel if that happens. I am afraid of him becoming like everyone else in my book I am afraid of abandonment. I don’t want my boyfriend to become a fake memory. His own self just him, Nothing else, has inspired me to change. when I met my boyfriend I actually got tired of how I used to act and by act I mean old past Situationship. When I think about those things I think about how desperate I was for an emotional connection with someone and that’s not what I want or when how I feel. My subconscious, and inner self got instantly tired and drained of being that way and just wanted it all to be different. I sometimes find myself, unconsciously trying to go back to old habits that makes me unhappy unfulfilled, depressed, and not like myself. I immediately stop myself. I know my boyfriend isn’t like any other guy I has talked to because he have such an impact on my life and how I view love as now. I am currently healing / processing my old situationships. My boyfriend is my first real healthy relationship? A lot of others left me and were toxic