I’m really scared.
My current partner (who has BPD and other mental as well as physical health issues,) has expressed that they want to move out of our apartment for their own place to better manage their health in, but I’m absolutely terrified that even though they say they want to stay together and that I’m the love of their life and they were once considering proposing to me, they could find someone else and break up with me, or worse, cheat. I don’t know how to make this anxious feeling stop. I want to trust them, but I really just...I don’t want to get my hopes up about us. I hate how bad this feels 😞
@lavenderTalker9048 I am sorry to hear you're going through this dating someone with mental illness is tough I dated someone with BPD in 2016 but it was off and on it was dysfunctional it became toxic pretty quickly maybe you deserve better.
@lavenderTalker9048 Your anxious feelings about this are completely understandable; it is very scary when someone close to you is preparing for such a big physical change in distance because it creates the potential for emotional distance as well. I appreciate @sally2345986 sharing the experience about being in a relationship with someone with BPD; however, I do not think it is wise or fair to implicitly jump to the conclusion that all relationships with people with BPD are dysfunctional and that you deserve better. Because the truth is that all and any relationship can be dysfunctional. I do not think we should jump right to the conclusion that you need to find someone else due to these anxieties and the time of transition that is on the horizon for your relationship. So then, if you haven't already, I would suggest talking with your partner about your concerns. If you already have, continue to do so; this will help enable open lines of communication throughout the transition. It's also important to communicate that you do value your partner and your partner's health. Maybe you can discuss what the relationship would practically look like with this new change - talking through these things can bring a lot of assurance as well as accountability. For example, how often do you two want to aim to see each other, and in what way(s)? Scheduling times and activities may be helpful in providing more concrete assurances as well. Since you have been sharing space with your partner and I assume you are a great support in your partner's life, think and talk through how this support will translate to the relationship in the context of different living spaces. Again, I think you are completely human to recognize doubts and fears; this is a big change and it will undoubtedly be a shift. But change is not all bad, and it is just another environment and chapter of a continuing relationship. Please feel free to message me if you'd like to chat!