Infidelity/help
So tomight I found out my husband has been talking to someone for 3 months. Well a little less. He has talked about 3 times a week. Only over texting and its mostly been about their days. A few pictures (normal) have been sent and light flirting and nothing past this. Now my husband partly started by saying we should end things now, when I asked him he said because first off he was planning on ending things with her soon because he loves me and wants things to get fixed between us but because I found out about this he feels we can never repair us now since I now cant trust him etc. Quick fact about my husband he has never been with anybody but me. Never kissed anyone or anything at all, never drank or did the young free life thing. We met when he was 21 and I was 24 I have had the young free thing and have a kid. Okay so my husband broke down as we were discussing our next steps and said that he loves me and he Knows that I am the love of his life. Period. No questions. That we have true love 100%. But that he feels like he missed out on the kid free young crazy stuff, like never being with anyone else, he also never wanted a kid this young, and sometimea he geta so angry about it he resents me and then says things like ending our marriage (and meaning it at the time) then when he "comes to his senses" in his words, hates himself for it and think I love her she all I want why do I hurt her. He also said that hes not sure it'll ever stop which is why hes not sure if we should end things or stick it out, he doesnt know how to not wander and want the free life for a little while but he loves me and wants me. The infidelity is hard and learning to trust him is hard, right now we are trying to rest to clear our heads but has anyone ever been through anything like this? Does anybody think he can ever just be happy and not have to have the free times stuff? Or any advice for him to let those consuming thoughts go? Any advice for me if this marriage can be saved
Also my husband doesnt seem to be willing to go to therapy which I really want. He says he doesnt believe in it and also said its embarrassing for him to tell what's hes done to some stranger. Also said he blieves we can fix this without it.
Hi, I know i’m a teen but my parents had something similar, my mom had my brother when she was 16 and my dad only a couple of years older. He later cheated on her, you aren’t alone I promise! I would think he should go to therapy, with his repressed sense of freedom and wanting to be a kid now and taking measures that costs your marriage, especially when he says he’s committed to you and only you. My dad hated the idea of therapy at first but always remember there are different kinds of therapy! And there’s nothing wrong with trying to figure out which best fits for you or your husband :))
Thank you for this. Its always helps knowing this happens to other people and they make it through. I'll keep trying to convince him to do counseling as he's resistant to it.
Ian with you mine had emotional affair 6 months. Ended when I found out. 4 months later still dealing with. Think knowing why he didn't helps. Also why the other women kept texting. My question to him was what was outcome of all talking. Mine was a younger and married. He needs to watch phone use and show you his phone. Delete social media account. Sometimes Ian not who Ian upset with him and her. Both knew better. Mine no counseling either. Ome day at a time
My wife recently committed phone sex with a man she claims is 1400 mi away because she reached a point of emptiness and loneliness in our marriage, despite my treating her practically like a queen and spoiling her to no end. She refuses to accept or go with me to any kind of counseling. But I can say that since going for myself, I have felt much better and a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It seems ridiculous but therapy can certainly help. I started going to counseling for myself since I knew my spouse wasn't going to. And I learned that I had repressed a lot of my feelings and put myself second to my wife far more times than I ever should have. This included holding things in that would hurt her feelings but ultimately would result in a better marriage for us both. Or avoiding arguing because I didn't want to deal with it when it turns out that arguing meant that the love was still there. She has openly stated she has feelings for this man and that she will not stop talking to him, but that she'll always love me and that will never change. As far as your husband goes, I would tell him that if he loves and respects you and he truly does want to keep you he will embrace therapy. My wife has yet to do so and our lives are in shambles. If you could somehow find a way to simulate the situation he wants, like say for instance, you two are just a young couple out for a night on the town, Or perhaps a party at the neighbor's house down the street so to speak, no kids no stress. that might be a start. a way for him to get it out of his system but with the woman he loves. As far as the children at a young age, he simply needs to be reminded that to make a child is a two-person job. I would then ask him if he regrets having his child at all, if it is his pride and joy, im willing to bet he will say he doesn't, and he will learn resenting you for giving him the best thing that ever happened to him is a fool's errand.
@Athena2013
I was 19 when I had my first boy. I missed out on the freedomish but it wasn't anything too serious that bothered me. Why don't he go for a boys night out. Maybe ask him what he means by "freedom"? Like what do he want to do? If dating other people is included in his freedom, it's a no go. Time for you to really think if you want to wait on the side for him until he is done with his freedom or just let him go completely. Everything come with consequences and him having a child at a young age, is no one's fault but your own. You can't just back out now. I had my kids when I was young and after being divorced, I took them with my. I brought them to this world and love them so much I can't imagine a day without my kids bothering me every single day about when it's time to eat. LOL. Talk it out again and see what he really want, what his heart is telling him. If he is unsure if he can stop himself but still want to be with you, don't be surprised when he is talking to other girls again. Good luck.
