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I want to stop being toxic - please help

User Profile: cherrycherry01
cherrycherry01 May 25th, 2021

my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me on friday. i'm hopeful it won't be forever because we believe we are soulmates but i understand we need a break because i have some issues to work on. our relationship is great but i have toxic behaviours sometimes and i want to fix it. i acknowledge i was the issue in our relationship and not him. he's been nothing but wonderful to me and i think the way i can be is a result of childhood trauma and my own issues, but i don't want to make excuses and i want to fix this because he doesn't deserve it. i have written down the main issues that i was doing. some are more minor than others but they're all still important. 1 - insecurities, i struggle with EDs and think because of my rocky relationship with myself this may have effected the relationship, he always wanted to help me and i think it effected him that he couldn't help me (even though it wasn't his fault) 2 - manipulation, i'm guilty of being manipulative at times because we were so close and i was jealous when he was doing things that didn't revolve around me. 3 - anger issues, i also would sometimes take my anger out on him when what i was annoyed at wasnt his fault. 4 - selfishness, sometimes i would be selfish too, and only think about myself and not his feelings and i wouldn't think before i spoke 5 - clingyness, he was the only person i felt safe enough to talk to about my problems so i think this made me too dependent on him does anyone have any advice? i feel like an awful person and i have been at times but i want to help myself. i don't want to be this way. i want to be better and be better for him because i don't want to lose him permanently. he said he loves me so much and wants us to work. i've tried speaking to my friends about it and although i've told them i'm in the wrong, they can't really help much because they are trying to be nice and they only see the good side of me if that makes sense. any tips would be helpful :(

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User Profile: messedupcompletely1159
messedupcompletely1159 May 25th, 2021

Hi..I’m so sorry to hear that.. i can honestly relate ..thankfully my boyfriend has been there for me from the very beginning regarding to those same issues as well...it’s hard honestly to change but one thing I learned was that it’s never too later no matter what... a good way is too learn more about yourself and figure yourself out ... sometimes you need to be independent so you can figure yourself and become the person you want to become... sometimes us girls we want to be around our bf 24/7 ... I do at least ... however this is where many issues come along because now we just get upset at the person pretty quickly.. for instance when you said that you get upset when he does things that doesn’t involve you... I am that way too ..I want him to spend the majority of his time with me ...however ..us girls we need to be independent too ... have girl time or spend time with family or friends and enjoy things on your own ... I’m not sure if your very independent or not or your not ... but that’s helps a lot with issues Because it makes it less .... when you love someone you just keep trying to become a better person ... mistakes happen and it just takes time and patience ..don’t rush things and take your time .. if he’s there to help you let him ...having there in your journey to become a better person is everyone’s dream because not many boys do that because it’s “time wasted” or “I don’t have the patience” type situation ...