LDR GF is very VERY inexperienced with guys and she recently met one
To sum everything up, she's very VERY inexperienced with guys as her last few times with guys was back when she was in primary school.
She's currently in college and has met this guy who to her seems like a genuinely nice guy and has taken it upon herself try and conquer her fears of talking to guys irl with this guy, I have no issue with her being friends with this guy that was up until he started showing very clear signs that he was into her.
I believe she led him on too by sending him pictures of herself to him of her face and her outfits as she thought it was a "normal" thing to do with guys bcs she'd always do it with me. But first red flag was that the guy was literally asking everyday to see her after talking to her for literally 2 days and she stopped only after I explained to her that usually you only do that with someone ur interested in but by that point the damage was done, in the back of my head I could already feel as if the guy was catching feelings from that and probably thought she did too.
Skip a few days later they end up making plans to hang out after college and go into town/movies but they only end up going into town and she hated it, he made her feel really uncomfortable and afterwards she heads to her friends house to vent to her about what happened, and her friend tells her to straight up tell the guy everything that made her uncomfortable and so she does, but I'm seeing this as like, her telling him everything that went just makes it seem as if she is into this guy and wants to try going out again hence the reason she told him what went wrong so he could avoid it "next" time.
Correct me if I'm wrong but if someone where to do that with me I'd get the feeling that they'd enjoyed my presence enough to want to try again, idk if thats just me.
Anyway after this whole ordeal I ask her about it and she says the guy replied to her saying he was really sorry and he felt really bad and then they start having really dry and blunt conversations and it makes her feel really bad because she feels like she missed out on an opportunity of making a new "friend" even though it was clear the guy wanted more than a friendship.
Skip to earlier today I start telling her the he's clearly into her and tell her everything, all the signs, the way he acts around her, etc and she dismisses it and gets upset with me because she thinks I'm trying to sabotage her "friendship". She really doesn't notice at all that this guy is clearly into her. So I get her to tell the guy: "I just want to be friends" and she argues with me a because she says it rude and she starts feeling bad for him but she does it anyway and the guy gets sad and upset.. upset???? Why on earth would he be upset about her telling him that she just wants to he friends? It makes it obvious he wanted more than a friendship because if he was genuinely trying to be a friend he'd understand and move on about it but no he gets upset and she doesn't see that as a sign that he was into her and instead she also gets upset and down about it because she feels as if she's hurting him.
Skip to later to the next day and we call in the morning as she's getting prepared and she's doing fine, we're talking and joking around like we usually do, then she checks her messages and sees that the guy had sent her a message but then deleted it on sc so she starts getting worried and I don't understand why. Her mood completely turns sour over this guy guy being dry with her and it ruins her day.
I've asked her time and time again if she has feelings for him and she says she doesn't "think" she does which just makes me confused as to what she means, makes me think she does honestly. But why is she so obsessed with this guy and how he feels when all she wanted was a friend but it was clear this guy had other intentions?
I'm so confused that she keeps running back to him seeking attention from him and I get she doesn't know what she's really doing and doesn't know whats right from wrong in these situations but every time I try to tell her she gets defensive about him and upset with me and sad that she feels that she hurt him. Please help
Have you considered getting a partner, and not living vicariously? It's her life to live and people grow.by making mistakes...
@ShionPhoenix,
LDR's most of the time won't work out.
Apart from that, you will have to trust her and let her lead her life her way.
You are creating stories, whereas you simply don't know. Creating stories is a great way to drive yourself nuts and to blow up a relationship.
Try mindfulness, and mindfulness exercises (like conscious breathing) whenever thoughts that only do harm come up.
In case that she does have feelings for him, what can you do about it? Right, absolutely nothing.
These are the kind of thoughts that are based on nothing but your emotion, I advise you to stay away from thoughts like that if you ever want to be in a genuine relationship based on unconditional love:
"GF is very VERY inexperienced with guys"
and
"I get she doesn't know what she's really doing and doesn't know whats right from wrong in these situations"
You don't owe and can't tell her what to do, no matter how hard it is for you to deal with this situation.That is something you have to deal with yourself.
Taker care.
@ShionPhoenix I am sorry this is happening. It seems like you all are a bit young and she seems a bit naive tbh. Maybe she is not ready for a serious relationship yet and needs to mature and grow on her own for a bit, especially being in a college, which tends to be a time to do things like try a new major, study abroad, etc. I know you care about her a lot, but if you want a more serious relationship with a mature person, maybe she is not the right person right now.
