Long term relationship help
I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years. Over the past 3 years or so the sex has not been as frequent. We have only had sex once this year, back in February so it has been 7 months total without any kind of intimacy. He has a low sex drive anyway but this is by far the longest we have ever gone. Normally it would be once every 3 months maximum. I feel like we might be too comfortable with each other and are just more like room mates however we do both still love each other a lot. When I try to have an open conversation with him, he can get defensive so I'm constantly worried about approaching him. I don't want to lose him but then again we are in our 20s and I don't want to be living like an old married couple. I have always had a high sex drive but this has just gone lower and lower over time as I don't feel wanted and have been rejected by him a few times so it has put me off wanting to try to be intimate with him again.
@Pumpkinpie2304
I'm sorry to hear. :(
I think communication is the best thing for it. And if you're both willing and can afford it, couples therapy. It's important to try to bring things up in a way that doesn't come across as accusatory (which causes defensiveness), but also be firm and let your feelings and needs be known. This is a... fine line to tread. Maybe trying to create an "appointment" in a way to discuss this might help. That way it's not sprung up on him and you can make sure you're in a place where you both feel comfortable. And then just try to have an honest conversation, but again, it's important not to sound accusatory.
Hope you manage to talk to him and work this out!
@Pumpkinpie2304
as Raven said this is a hard conversation in the best of situations........discussing what and why sometimes comes off as accusing and defensive responses.....
you are a young person and should not live like roommates with NO benefits....... so be clear about what your drive is and although you understand his may not be same this is NOT working ......
the longer you accept this the more he will believe it is ok .......... people should be able make a deal on this and if not be ok to move on instead of growing resentment between you over this which is what WILL happen
