Marriage
So my husband and I have been in a rough patch and he recently asked me do you believe in love and I said yes and he said well I don't because look what love does it destroys ppl look what it's doing to you he has become so angry because of work I tell him this and he gets so mad I can't even talk to him without him snapping and when I get quiet he gets mad when I start talking he gets mad idk what to do I've been crying and I can't stop and that gets him mad too I know what I should do but it's easier said than done I've talked to him about counseling and he says he doesn't want to go because he knows he is the problem
@blaaaahhh
Hi--that sounds so difficult. 💜 You're trying your best to deal with this rough patch, but whatever you do it feels like he gets angry. If you talk to him, he's angry. If you don't talk to him, he's angry. You've been crying (understandably)... and that gets him angry too. 😟
You've asked him if counseling would be an option but it sounds like he's afraid it'll just be you and the therapist ganging up on him or something like that. It sounds like he's unhappy because of work, which is understandable but he's taking all of that out on you--and that's something that you don't like and find really hard to deal with.
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I'm not a licensed therapist so I'm limited in what I'm able to offer as far as advice-giving. But there are a few resources I've come across that I've personally found helpful for my own relationships and friendships that I hope might be relevant:
- Collaborative communication: https://www.psychalive.org/communication-between-couples/
- Assertive communication: https://www.verywellmind.com/learn-assertive-communication-in-five-simple-steps-3144969
- Conflict resolution skills: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/conflict-resolution-skills.htm
Collaborative communication is like... the two of you working as a team to try to figure out the best way to handle the problem that works for both of you and satisfies both of your needs. So for example, when he gets angry, what does he want you to do (or not do) that he would find helpful? Are there any things you'd like him to do (or not do) when he's angry that would help you?
Assertive communication is all about finding ways of balancing expressing your own feelings/wants/desires while still being respectful of the other person.
If you'd like to chat with someone about this, HERE is a list of experienced listeners who accept chats on relationship stress.
