Marriage counseling
New to this. New to therapy and talking about problems with other people. Perhaps my internalization is manifesting itself in my marriage, but it seems like everything I do is wrong even though I think it’s right, or I don’t see that it’s wrong as my wife sees. I don’t know if I am subconsciously though I feel like I’m considerate of time and space. I hate the blame game, but I wind up playing it because I don’t feel like I do anything wrong, at least intentionally. I don’t abuse her or cheat or overuse alcohol or drugs but I feel awful about letting her down on negligent/ careless behavior.
She also doesn’t think I respect her work time. We both work from home and she says she always takes care of our son which I do not think is accurate.
He most hurtful thing was hearing that I make her life harder.
@humorousMaple3871
i read two lines that you should consider
" i don't do things intentionally" or " I do not believe are accurate"
these do not mean she is right....... just that you are NOT perhaps listening to her and maybe your need to be right is over riding your ability to see from her point of view.
my spouse does a lot "unintentionally " BUT that does not count when i have to redo something or work around his mess cause he did not see WHY i do it differently....... by the time you put someone on the defensive of having to PROVE their point because you do not believe it is accurate ...... from my experience that is insulting and infuriating and it MAKES their lives HARDER.
What stands out to me is that you mentioned that you don’t intentionally do things to make things difficult and you think how she feels about the split in your parental duties isn’t accurate.
Both of those phrases are pretty invalidating. If she has brought issues to you and you aren’t putting aside your perspective to understand her, she isn’t being heard.
that isn’t to say she is correct. Just that you are both failing to communicate.
Look into Active Listening skills. I think that will benefit you.