NEED HELP WITH RELATIONSHIP PLS
So I’m in a relationship right now as of nine months and he’s been cheating on me the whole time. He knows I know and we’ve talked about it. I’ve brought it up five times since December. But he just keeps doing it. He tells me all of the time he feels nothing towards any of it. He tells me I’m the only one he really wants to be with. As of cheating I mean he texts these girls that’s it. But it’s the things he says, like he wants to kiss these girls and he wants to sneak these girls over. Now I know everyone’s answer is going to be to leave him. But I can’t . I have an attachment to him. He is the person I talk everything to about. He makes me very happy when he doesn’t make me sad. I finally had it and we talked about it again yesterday and now everything is a little off. I literally look like a fool I know but I just have attachment problems and I love him so it’s hard. I want him so badly and he told me he wants me too but idk what to do to help us. Please if y’all can help!
This is my relationship but I feel like I’m sharing him. I have no security I feel like and I’ve told him that. And whenever I ask why he does it he always says he doesn’t know or it’s just a backup. That sucks:( I told him I want nothing from him but love. This has been making me cry forever. But he’s good to me when he’s around me.
Flirting with other girls over texts while your in a relationship is never cool. Honestly' I'm a guy and I do it' but I never let my girl know if it means nothing. Maybe he is signaling you about something. Put emotions aside, and read the signals.
@sensitiveTangerine5775 So when I bring it up to him I ask him if it means something to him and he tells me no, I ask why do you do it and he doesn't have an answer for me.
So I went through the same thing and still, even though we’re broken up now, have moments where I feel like I want her back. We went through 2 years of her talking to other guys, me finding out, her saying “I don’t mean anything by it i don’t know why I do it” and me forgiving her. I know exactly how hard it can be to let go. Even though I haven’t fully let her go I also realize unless she was willing to fix herself it wasn’t healthy for me. You don’t want to get to the point where he does cheat and it affects your health or something like that ya know? My biggest piece of advice would be to just take some time to yourself. Not looking for anyone else or anything but just rediscover yourself without that person.
@blackRose8897 Yes I completely understand that, thank you, sorry you had to go through that as well!
@Teegs144
Focus not on what he says, but what he does. His actions speak far louder than his words. He knows that his flirty and sneaky messages to other girls bother you, but yet he does it anyway. He also knows how deeply and madly you're into him, so he feels justified that no matter what he does, you'll be there for him while he plays around. He's not just playing around with these women, he's playing around with you and your emotions and feelings. A person like this depends on your submission, your dependency on him, and without any serious consequences, he has no reason to stop.
At the root of this issue is the fact you lack self-esteem and self-worth. It would be a good idea to start there because you cannot control what he does, but only how you react to it and how you treat yourself.
You might want to find out what it is about these women he likes versus you. If you actually bring out the honesty in him, that is a valuable piece of information to understand if you're looking for ways to make things better between you. When you're armed with that information, at least you can know if it's something that is potentially a deal-breaker for you or if it's something that cannot be fixed. However, he has demonstrated that being honest with you is difficult for him. That is something you must consider because trust, respect, honesty are all key core values in any healthy relationship.
However, no matter what happens, you deserve to be in a relationship that commands respect. When I say respect, I mean you have the right to be treated with respect by him, and most importantly you have the right to respect yourself.
Do not become his doormat. Cheating isn't ok, no matter the justification.
@Sventek Thank you so much for taking you're time to write that! Your advice definitely has helped me see some things!
I completely understand the attachment thing. I myself have really struggled in letting certain people go. Do the happy times out weigh the bad? And if he isn’t willing to stop, is that something you can bare?
@kfeliziano I do definitely let the good times all the time weigh out the bad ones, most of the time he's great to me, we barely ever argue, but when he's not around he texted them. And I want to say I can handle it but I know that's not healthy.
@Teegs144,
it should matter to him that it matters to you. Thinnk on that, or better, feel it. And do what your heart tells you to.
