Oh boy…caught my wife sexting…
Ok so my wife and I have been together for almost 15 years and married for 7. This past year my wife went through cancer and my dad was murdered so to say it’s been crazy on top of covid is an understatement. Sex has been meh. A lot due to cancer treatments and stress. I’m fully ok with it being slow in the bed with life going on and I do t pressure my wife for sex. I do make sure to slap her ass and in my way show her I’m attracted to her. So we went on vacation and she added my work partner on snap chat. And we had all spoken over them phone while I drove around at work so it was kinda ok for her to add him. 3 days later she sent out an attractive clean photo to friends on snap chat. He replied back sexy. And some words were exchanged and they ended up sexting. Now we have a strong faith and this goes against anything we believe in. I told her no flirting when she asked if it was ok if she talked to him. And she betrayed my trust. Then deleted the messages so I couldn’t see them. My work partner is in a poly relationship with his wife. So it does t mean the same to him as it does my wife and I. I know my wife’s heart. And they don’t communicate after that day. Sooo I can’t get the anxiety of what if out of my head. I ride with my partner at work every day and wonder oh is that message from my wife. Even tho I know it’s not. But it’s like a constant reminder and instant anxiety as soon as I get to work every day.
I got cheated on as well in the same way. To spice things up in bed, I started working out a lot, I was also distant, because I'm usually the one who wants it first. That's kind of how he started wanting me more. The reminder that he could easily just do it again is frustrating, sometimes I'm still struggling with it. At the beginning I was telling him every detail that gives me those flashbacks, but it destroyed him and that's not really what I want. I really want it to work so I stopped mentioning it, if they really love you they'll feel bad about it and hate themselves for it. If they're getting angry it's maybe because they're frustrated about the situation. She betrayed your trust that's heart breaking, if you want it to work she should try make you trust her again. Ofc it's not just on her, you should tell yourself that you want it to work and that you're genuinely trying to. My ex did small things for me to start trust again. I would get flashbacks everytime he takes his phone to the bathroom, because he might text her or anything...So he started leaving the phone with me when he was using the bathroom, now it's better. He also gave me almost full control over his phone, giving me the freedom to check. After some time I trusted him enough to not check this much. It might sound weird, but these things probably helped me the most.
Hi @littleHuman674,
you say that you know your wife's heart. That's all that matters. By making up stories you're gonna do damage sooner or later.
My wife withdraw because I was not emotionally available (depression). Actually, I failed in each and every aspect. A very close female friend introduced her to one of her friends, male. My wife felt like she met her spiritual mirror. After I pulled myself out of my dark hole, I noticed that my wife was video chatting with him, every Monday, for hours. My wife said, he is just a close friend, and a business partner. I found out that my wife developed feeling for him that went way beyond friendship. They planned to get together to work on an idea my wife has for her business. He's from Europe, and would have to fly over. I found out that my wife was pushing to come over asap. Cool, at that time I was still s verely depressed,so apparently she was thinking with her vagina.
Anyway, I ended up creating my own story. Because in the end nothing happened. My wife choose me, and we started counseling to try to reconnect. I was lucky, most wives would have called it a day.
So please, don't let your emotions get the better of you. Your wife loves you, that's all that matters. Everybody is human, we all do things that we wish we hadn't. Don't be too hard on her. And don't beat yourself up, it drove me nuts.
Stay cool, take care.