On again off again
My ex and I have been in this cycle off on again off again for 11 months after our breakup . At one point do you just call it quits . Of course I love him and the thing is I never once left him . He’s been the one doing the breakup and or saying I lost feelings then will come back and say I don’t want to lose you and then it just repeats itself over and over again . I feel drained ( which should be the hint to leave ) but I want us to work but how will I know if I agree to start over agin I will end up getting hurt again in a month . It just feels like he does want me but unfortunately he been in a mental health facility for a month and it’s not like I don’t trust him .. but I feel he might just be saying he loves me and wants me back because he’s lonely there ? Idk it seems harsh to say that . But I just confused with it all . He calls every night but how do I really really know if he truly wants a commitment with me . He’s going to have to focus a lot on his treatment after and I feel that maybe I should back off because I would rather him get healthy first then worry about a relationship with me
@reservedPenguin6652
I think you know as your last line says he need to get healthy then you can think of a relationship because he probably is not in a clear head space to really commit.
What should I do. I am such a people pleaser and I don’t like people hating me or I don’t like hurting people . But I don’t think I ever hurt him or atleast I know I never broke up with him . It just very confusing. And he keeps talking about us and wanting to see me and I want that more than anything but I can’t help to think things won’t be the same anymore and this cycle is hurting and draining me every day. I love him more than anything
@reservedPenguin6652
Love is IMO an emotion that makes people rationalize things that in their mind they know maybe not the best move.....
Talk with him and tell him to get healthy and you can work on things... i would imagine being in a facility and all that entails he is looking to you for a safe place mentally ... things will not be the same after his treatment or whenever he decides to take responsibility for his mental health..... you need to love yourself too and really imagine what you want in life ... do you see that with him ?
If you do see him in your life is that vision dependent on changes and committment from him that you are not sure will be there?
@reservedPenguin6652
The Fire said to the Matchstick, “Come closer, I love you and will never hurt you!”
The Matchstick had never been in love before so she she came closer and fell in love with the Fire. But before long he burned her and she was hurt.
“That was an accident! I didn’t mean to hurt you!” Said the Fire.. “Come close to me again, so that I may love you once more…! I promise not to hurt you ever again” The Matchstick remembered how good the love felt before she was burned and quickly returned by the side of the Fire.
In some short moments the Fire burned her again! “Oh I’m sorry, I was distracted so I burned you again! But if you come back to me I promise I definitely won’t hurt you ever again!” The Matchstick was distressed but she again desired the love that she felt for the Fire so she again returned by his side.
Over and over the Fire kept burning the Matchstick and each time he had a quick and ready excuse. Each time he promised it would never happen again! (Never again! This is the last time, never again!) And each time the Matchstick got more and more distressed, as each of the Fire’s promises ended with him burning her. And little by little the Matchstick burned away, losing a part of her with his every promise (Never again! Surely this is the last time!)…
The wise Wind had been watching the Matchstick and the Fire, and took pity upon them both. Said the Wind to the Matchstick .. ‘If you keep venturing too close to Fire, you will soon be nothing but ashes!”
“But he promises never to hurt me again!” Protested the Matchstick. “Yes child…” said the wise Wind kindly, for she could see that the Matchstick desperately wanted to believe this about Fire’s promises. “But it is the nature of Fire to burn a Matchstick that comes too close. And no amount of promises can ever change this, any more than my words can change a rock into a rainbow.”
CatsInTheCradle