Parents Interfered

I’ve (22) been dating my boyfriend (24) for two years now. We grew up near each other. We know the same people and we’re both interested in careers in the same field from the beginning. We always said we were destined to be together because we just missed each other all our lives. We both have very different upbringings. My parents are very old fashion. They are the type of people to expect the guy to pick up the girl anytime, pay for her any time and he should be the one coming over to the house more. My boyfriend pays his own bills like his tuition for school, and he pays for anything for the car because he shared it with his mother and his dad. meanwhile, my parents pay for my bills, car, and tuition. I am a very quiet person who wants to get to know me I open up a lot, he is also very quiet, but I understand why he was very shy and on guard with my family because they can be very intimidating. He also has a stutter, which sometimes he feels my family will look down on him for . I always thought my parents liked him, but due to recent fights, they have told me otherwise. In the beginning, he would come over to the house, and I would drive there to his house to there has been an increase in crime around our area, and there are people who usually park at the end of our block to go smoke in the woods. My mom became very worry and said that he had to either drive me from my house to his house which is 15 minutes away or he had to follow me home. Whenever we try to hang out and make plans they will change or be canceled last minute because either something came up with him being late, his parents needing the car last minute for plans that they’ve known about for days, but forgot to tell him about, or he had to take care of his brother, who has mental health issues, I have a special-needs sister so I understand but the way his parents go about it they make him there full-time, nanny and maid. And even times when he would hang out with his brother, the way he would speak to him bothered me because he treated my boyfriend like trash. When the plans were changed or we canceled my parents to see that I would get a bit upset because that meant I wasn’t seeing him so they would be upset and hold it against him. There were times when we were go to family occasions on my side and my parents wanted him at the house at a certain time and he would show up late. My parents never really talked to him or gotten to know him. They blamed it on the fact that he doesn’t talk and he is disrespectful when he walks into the house and doesn’t shake my dad’s hand or kiss my mom hello . I understand where they’re coming from but at the same time I understand where my boyfriend comes from when he says that he is coming to our house and feels like my parents should be the ones asking him questions about himself because he is in their house with the greetings , I’ve asked him to do that because that’s just how I am and how I was raised and he said that they felt fake to him and he really didn’t want to do it which my parents could tell. My boyfriend is very opinionated. Sometimes he says things in anger which hurt very much. There was an incident where he was explaining some thing about getting a car which he was thinking of doing and he turned around, pointed out my little sister, and said even a m***n, like her could do it. We didn’t get into a fight that night because I told him he should not have called her that because we don’t use that word and it’s disrespectful. He apologize to me and said he didn’t mean it in a harsh way, but he has a problem with the tone in which he says things, and I’ve told him that before. My parents found out and told me I could no longer see him and gave me three days to break it off with him. I was heartbroken. I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want to end things. Me and him ended up having a conversation, and we said we didn’t wanna lose each other and we will work on ourselves with each other. My parents didn’t like this and gave me the silent treatment for three days which bothered me. My parents and I got into a fight and they said it was either him or them, and if I chose him that they would take everything away and I no longer have parents. I told my boyfriend this and I ended up telling my parents that we were just friends but really me and my boyfriend are dating in secret still. I know the situation is hard on my boyfriend as well and I’m stuck in the middle of it. I feel like I can’t make amends with anyone, or make anyone happy. Couple weeks ago, my boyfriend gave me an ultimatum that I stand up to my parents within a month or he’s leaving. Like I said, my boyfriend is very opinionated and likes things done his way, and sometimes has some harsh things when he doesn’t like someone, I wanted to do things my way and I told him to respect it and he needs to understand that I am stuck in the middle of it and I have a tough relationship with my parents to begin with. Yesterday was a two-year anniversary for us, I wanted to do something special for us to show each other how much we need to each other and that we are together. But my boyfriend is not one to plan things. He wants told me that if I wanted to go out on dates and make plans that I should do it, and he just follows along, but that makes me feel he doesn’t have time to think of things to do with me or he just doesn’t want to. Sometimes I feel like he just wants to be there for things that he finds interesting or wants to do enough for me, and what I like to do he had planned to watch the World Cup and didn’t tell me about any other plans. We got into a fight and he told me he needed space and that we were done and he didn’t want to speak until I got my sh*t together. It hurt me so much it felt like a piece of my heart was ripped out of my chest, and when he finally had time to calm down, he told me he miss spoke and said it was really about my parents but I don’t know if I believe it I hate the fact that my parents have interfered with my relationship, I hate that they’re so old-fashioned , and any time I stuck up for me and my relationship they just saw as me choosing him over them. I love him with all my heart, but the things he’s said when he broke it off and told me he need to space hurt me tremendously and I can’t forgive him so fast on that, I know I need to change the relationship with my parents, but it’s like he just expects me to cut them off at this very second. I don’t know what to do, think, say, or how to feel I just need some advice. Thank you for listening🤍