Problems in relationship
Hello. Been with this guy for almost 12 yrs. He's not perfect by any means. Well we had a still born daughter back in 2018 her 3rd birthday just passed. For that day my mom did a balloon release for her it was not planned just something nice she did while we were out and about. Well he got upset because he was not invited to this spur of the moment thing which OK I get that. So I was told how I was in the wrong because I didn't say anything to him about it. Now he is one of those guys who is always running the streets drugs and everything (long story). At the time that I left out to go with my mom he had his friends who buy stuff from him over and I was really messed up about my daughter so trying to call him or anything was not on my mind. Yesterday they had the fireworks downtown I asked him was it cool if I took the kids he texted back yes with a smiley face . Then we come back home he talking bout he hate that he wasn't there ( Mind you I went with my older sister and they don't get along at all ) but I guess I'm in the wrong because I'm not trying to work out they issue for them so instead of him being a grown man and going up to my sister and talking to her when he see her. She got mad because one day I was cooking and the baby started crying so I'm trying to cook and calm baby and she asked him why he wasn't helping me and he flew off the handle and kicked her out our house so I packed my son up and left with her. Of course I had to come back I had two older boys here. Am I wrong for feeling like you know what f it because I feel like I'm in the middle all the time and tired of being told I need to speak up for him. At this point I just want to go to a shelter or something.
Hi @turquoiseWillow4473
Sounds emotionally draining. The grownups can't find a middle ground and you're stuck in the middle.
He wants to be there when the kids experience things is nice. What about other times when your family were not involved? Was He also felt left out?
Hi @ouiCherie Yes it is draining and I don't think they ever will. I wish I could tell you everything from the beginning to the end. When my family is not involved he is fine and doesn't feel left out. He has done a lot in the past since we been together so I understand my family point of view but I also get where he is coming from.
@turquoiseWillow4473
Yeah, seems like both have their own reasons. Your family have valid reason to feel protective of you. While he's probably have his own insecurity with the situation.
How about your own feeling? On a scale 1 to 10, where 1 is none and 10 is you can trust him completely, how would you rate it?
I'd love to support you and I can do slow pace chat. If you're okay with slow pace, feel free to leave messages 💜
I would rate it at about a 5 maybe 6, he has done some crazy things. Slow pace chat is fine.
Hi @turquoiseWillow4473 sorry I wasn't aware you replied.
5 or 6? made sense with what he had done in the past. I guess it is difficult for your family to trust him much too.
If I'm being entirely honest, I dont think you want to be with someone who is dealing drugs. For starters, 95% of the time, if not more, he's on something to show others, usually new customers, that he isn't a cop. That'll perfectly explain his freakouts and the totally unnecessary emotional toll he puts you in. Secondly, having done that my own self, I can tell you the stress while doing that can be especially tolling at times. And the harsher the drugs he handles, the more danger he puts himself in; even close friends turn due to hard drugs. I've personally seen it happen. That and what if the cops arrest him? How can he be a good role model for your children if he's locked up? How can he support you? Even if he is a drug dealer that transports large amounts of drugs which can bring in good money, or he makes drugs, that only puts you and your children at more unnecessary risk of violence. It sounds like you love him and that you care for him, which I can understand. My wife and I are struggling; I am especially struggling trying to save our marriage. But, have you considered letting him go if he doesn't choose to let go of that dangerous "profession" and get a real job so he can also be there with you and your guys" children? Emotions make it hard and confusing. Have you given any thought about where you hope to see your relationship with him down the road at all?