Recognizing Double Standards

Dear Forum,

A double standard is when a rule or principle is unfairly applied in different ways to different groups or people.

This is often displayed in relationships when one person imposes rules or regulations on their partner that they fail to adhere to themself. There are two kinds of double standards: intentional and unintentional, both of which can involve groups or individuals and come with serious consequences. In general, double standards occur when we allow fear or cognitive bias to block our insight. They are the product of ignorance or insecurity and can be simple or complex in nature, often surfacing through words or actions that are not reasonably justified.

Effectiviology.com offers some solutions when faced with this dilemma,

“When responding to the use of double standards, the first step is to make sure that what you’re seeing is indeed a double standard, using the approach outlined in the previous section.

Then, the second step is often to ask the person who you believe is applying a double standard to explain their reasoning, if you haven’t already, and if doing so is reasonable in your circumstances.

This not only helps you determine whether they’re truly applying a double standard, but also gives you a better idea as to why they’re doing what they’re doing. Furthermore, in cases where the use of double standards is unintentional, this can give you the added advantage of possibly helping the person using the double standards realize that they’re doing so, particularly if you ask them to explain the rationale behind treating similar things in a different manner. In addition, in cases where the use of double standards is intentional, this can help you highlight the issues with that person’s reasoning.

Once you do this, you can then actively point out the logical and moral issues with the double standard, by showing that there is no proper justification for the unequal treatment in question. When doing this, you generally also want to help the person applying the double standard internalize the issue with what they’re doing, and negate their motivation for applying the double standard in the first place.

To achieve this, you will often need relevant debiasing techniques, and particularly when the double standards in question are the result of an underlying cognitive bias. For example, one bias that often plays a role when it comes to double standards is the empathy gap, which is a cognitive bias that makes it difficult for people to account for the manner in which differences in mental states affect the way that they and other people make decisions. If you see someone applying double standards as a result of this bias, you can ask them to think of situations where they experienced a similar double standard being applied toward them. Similarly, you can ask them to consider how they would feel someone applied a similar double standard toward them, or toward someone that they care about.

Finally, note that in some cases, you might be unable to get someone to stop applying a double standard, no matter what you do. If this happens, your response should depend on the circumstance at hand. For example, if the person in question is someone that you barely know or care about, you might choose to simply stop interacting with them, and let them know why. Conversely, if the person in question is your superior at work, you might choose to go to your company’s Human Resources department, in order to get them to resolve the issue.

Overall, when responding to the use of double standards, you should first ensure that you’re indeed dealing with a double standard, preferably by asking the person applying the standard to explain their reasoning. Then, you should point out the logical and moral issues with the double standard in question, help the person applying the standard internalize those issues, and negate their motivation for applying the standard in the first place. If none of these solutions work, you should pick an alternative one based on the circumstance, such as escalating the issue to someone who can resolve it, or cutting ties with the person who’s applying the double standard.”

Discussion Points:

Have you ever been faced with a double standard in your relationship(s)?

What was it? How did you respond?

What do you wish you would have done differently?

How will you manage double standards moving forward?

Thank you all for being here and providing your heartfelt feedback to those who may benefit from this topic, myself included.

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