Relationships
I need serious help.
My heart is feeling weird in a bad way.
So I have a girlfriend. We love each other a lot. But sometimes she treats me in some awful ways. I usually try to help her in any issue she has.
Last time she treated me bad was yesterday. She struggles with psoriasis and I asked her if I can help her with something, some treatment, anything. She always says “No” because its not my business. She has a point, but she doesn’t seem to recognize that if you have a bond with someone, that person will want you to be healthy and in a much better place than before in order to not lose her. I mean, if you struggle with something, we all need help (I guess).
By now she told me “I’m sorry”. I accepted her apologies but I’m with some kind of heartache. Don’t know why. I felt kind of “not loved” in that way.
Cam somebody please tell me what’s happening in my body and what should I do with it.
I thank you all for reading.
@koinoyokn
It is hard when a person you are in a relationship tells you or treats you as if health issues or personal issues are NONE of your business......
It feels like you care more then they do and like a gut punch to be excluded..... my spouse down plays all things and keeps secrets about his health.
Since she apologized it may have been a frustration move ........but even with excuses that feeling of being excluded is not wiped away ......... who knows if she will do that again........ so be prepared .....
but it can be that she is frustrated by her condition and not sure how you can help.......
Thank you so much for your answer.
That’s exactly how I feel: Excluded.
I hope she’s just frustrated. But sometimes It’s really hard to understand.
Greetings and thank u again.
@koinoyokn
It is good to want to help people, but you need to respect their boundaries. If you ask her if she needs help with anything, that is kindness and care for a loved one. But if she declines your help, and you keep asking her and pestering her and imposing your ‘help’ upon her even though she has made it clear to you that she doesn’t want your help with a particular issue, then this is no longer helpful and has started to become invasive and patronizing. It communicates to her that you don’t respect her autonomy to decide for herself what she does/does not need help with. It is enough to let her know that you are available for whatever she needs. Maybe sometimes just buy her the treatments she uses without saying anything, without making any kind of a big deal about it; and just leave it in a gift bag for her.
We all need help sometimes, but we don’t like to be too conscious of needing help. Sometimes it is better to simply help others without overtly needing to emphasise the fact that we are helping them.
CatsInTheCradle