Resentful - Over it & ready to throw the whole man away!

Hello. Any advice is appreciated. My spouse and I have been together for 9 years, married for 2 going on 3 of those, and have 1 small child. He has never been good at expressing himself and has become worse the longer we are together, and is very passive. I'm over it. I'm ready to call it quits.

Over our 9 years, I've dealt with him cheating, and addiction problems. He claims he never took things offline with anyone, back in 2015. I don't feel like I've every fully trusted him again. I've caught him with weed several times which he said he'd stop. Then in 2019, I felt something was off again. And yes, each time I've caught these bad things over the last 7 years when we started living together, I did hack his FB and email. I can't stand a liar. Anyway, late 2019 I hacked him again, he was also applying for a new job and jackpot again - he's asking his friend for pee in case he's drug tested. Found out he was doing BHO and had been for the previous year. Mind you Our daughter was an infant and our 11yo niece was also staying with us the entire summer. I tried to get his family involved in addiction issue, and it is an addiction for him, he at one point was addicted to alcohol but won't get near it now, tobacco products which he still can't get over, and even soda. His sisters when I brought it up were shocked and sad, and said we are here if you need us. His parents who I was hoping would help me have a come to Jesus meeting with him said we support you but we are not helping.

A lot of his passive aggressive tendenacnies and just overall laziness if his mom hears she just says "he's just like his father." I want to tell her she & her husband are the reason he's so lazy and passive. Like I work full time, I'm also primary caretaker of our daugher because he won't lift a finger to help unless I nag or yell and even then he whines over helping, I manage our bills/budget, shopping for groceries/household (yes, even his underwear and socks I have to buy), cooking... etc. Anything that revolves around this house falls on me, except the grass. He works in turf mgmt so he's all about mowing and taking care of the grass, but ONLY the grass, nothing else yard related. He also has hobbies - he does band and goes golfing for fun. My hobbies: read a book when I can squeeze in a chapter here and there, and nap when possible on the weekend to catch up on sleep I missed through the week.

I'm becoming more and more resentful. I'm tired of a lazy a$$ husband who I have to keep telling to put his phone down and turn the TV off. He comes home from work, showers, grabs snacks, and plants his butt on the couch and watches TV. He's supposed to be interacting with our daughter for 2-3hrs until I get off work. But I have to keep checking up on them consistantly (I work from home). I'm tired emotially and physically. He pretty much calls me stinky and ugly all the time too. Like I go say hi when he gets off work and he's passive, won't say hi and is like your breath stinks get away from me. When I want a hug or any affection he pushes me away physically. Before we got married and the baby was born we did couples counseling. It helped so much and we were in a great place, and getting better, and then we moved and had to get a new counselor since our counselor couldn't work with us based due to location/not having license in our state. After baby was born it went back to how it was pre-counseling and progressively got worse.

I've been thinking for a while about divorce. I have asked him numerous times if he wants to even be married to me. He doesn't really answer just starts participating for an hour or less in whatever is going on. Like this past weekend, the little and I were playing outside and he threw a fit because he wanted to be watching TV and scrolling through FB, and not being nice to me, and he takes off back inside to do those things. I texted and said Do you want to be married to me. He comes back out grinning and is like IDK why you ask stupid questions. I said your actions tell me you don't so yes I'm going to ask those questions.

I feel like he needs some personal counseling. But he won't do that or any couples counseling. And I know I'm not really attractive at all, and look like a mess, especially when I see other moms who look put together and I'm over here frizzy hair and can't lose the pregnancy weight after 2.5 years because of breastfeeding. But that's no reason to treat someone like crap, and like a roommate with occasional benefits.

What would you do? Thanks for reading & sorry for the long post.