Should I just break up ??....
I met my boyfriend through Tinder. Went on my first date ever with him. On our second meeting, we had sex. I lost my virginity. ( he did not ask me first, it just kind of happened, which I was upset about) Within a few weeks he told me he loved me, and I told it back to him. He is my first boyfriend and I wasn’t sure what love was, but I was always happy when being with him. He is a foreigner in my country and after a while he told me he’d go back to his country 2 months later. ( he had known this all along but never told me, which also upset me) So we met every week, often spending the weekends at his apartment. I had never been so happy before. So when he left we did long distance. I helped him find a new apartment and basically did all the work, finding an apartment, doing calls, reading the contract etc. ( I offered to, since he doesn’t speak my language) he talked about us moving in together at this point. 2 months later he came back to live here, I helped him move, paid half of the moving fees, gave him all the furniture I had in our attic that was being saved until I moved out from my family’s home. Which means 80% of the stuff at his apartment is mine. ( but I offered it ) The problem is that I am a student and he has a full time job. I pay more than half of our expenses, meaning I bought the bed, pay half the groceries, pay half the money when eating out, often offering to pay for stuff to be nice, giving him gifts etc. I understand wanting to save money, but I am a student and still manage. Honestly there was a lot of red flags that I ignored and now I am second guessing our relationship. He is really nice and care about me. But we also fought a lot for hours at a time, he showed an aggressive side yelling and throwing stuff. I told him I would go home if he kept doing that, so he told me to go, but I still stayed. It seems like I am really pathetic or can’t see my own worth. Lately I’ve been feeling more confident in my body, in myself, and I can see that I need to do what is best for me. The problem is that we moved too fast, he already met my family and is going on holiday with us this summer. I feel that I love him, he always makes me smile and I want to give him my everything. Maybe it is just the fact that I am young, I haven’t experienced enough, haven’t tried being on my own, and being with an older guy means having to do things faster. I want kids, and to be married but not anytime soon.... i feel like it is the right person at the wrong time. Or perhaps Since he is my first boyfriend, I don’t know what a good boyfriend is, and don’t know if it can actually be better than this or not. I can 100% be myself in front of him. Bonus info: sex isn’t great, but he does his best. But somehow it also affects me, always being left unsatisfied when he is always satisfied. ( this is a worldwide issue for women tho, not just me)
By the way, I am 20 years old, he just turned 30. I feel happy generally in our relationship, but last time we were together I just felt depressed and it ended up in not talking for a full day before I went home.
And u have to define you urself what satisfaction
*You have to know what satisfaction is for you
Hay adaptable, you have done your best. Believe me you deserve happiness and it will come to you. Yeah, u are right you should fulfill ur dreams. Love is part of pizza of life, not whole of it. I believe u are happy inside for what u have done to him. So, u don't have to regret. Some people make you and some you make. Be cool
Woman, the dynamics of your relationship is super messed up. Your age difference probably also causes a power imbalance. He's older with possibly anger issues (throwing stuff, really?) He earns and you're still the one paying more for stuff and he also uses your furniture that you've been saving. He's exploiting you financially and otherwise. He did not ask for your consent before having sex, that's sexual abuse. THAT'S SEXUAL ABUSE. Let me tell you a secret, love is not enough. You need a lot in a relationship to make it work than just love. You need respect, responsibility, boundaries, kindness, honest conversations, acceptance, forgiveness, trust, emotional support and validation, again respect. And he seems to lack a lot of these. You're not pathetic. It's okay to love someone and want them in your life. What's important to remember is just because you want them in your life does not mean that they are good for you. Also, look into attachment styles. If he leaves you unsatisfied when he's satisfied, he's not doing his best. It's not so difficult for women to experience pleasure, women's pleasure has been made a lot more complicated than it actually is. Research and read up about it. You're trying to defend him in your entire post, but he doesn't sound like the best person to me. You deserve better. So so so much better! It's your decision ultimately, but please, please break up with him. He just taking advantage of you.
Thank you for your honest advice, I really needed that. My brain is telling me to break up with him like you said, because this relationship seems like it isn’t good for me. But I am scared and I don’t know what to do about all the stuff in his apartment, he already met my family and I’m scared I’ll hurt him a lot or make him angry.
Are you close with your family? If yes, talk to your them. Tell them how it's not working out. You don't have to go into a lot of details if you don't want to. Your safety is the most important thing. If you live together and you're scared that he might hurt you physically, get out of the house first. Go to your parents house or a close friend's, anywhere it's safe. Then, break up. If you do decide to talk to your family, you can ask their help with your furniture. Keep in mind though that the furniture is nothing compared to your safety and life. So, if you are able to get them back, that's amazing. But if you're not, let it go. Yes, it's a loss and you'll have to spend money to buy your own furniture. But as long as you're safe, spending some money on furniture does not sound like a huge loss. As far as hurting him is considered, if he's taking advantage of you he won't be upset that you're leaving, he'll only be upset that he'll lose all the benefits that comes with having you around. And even if he cares, (he sounds like a very toxic person tbh), remember that people will get hurt when it's time for them to be hurt no matter what you do. We can't live in this world trying to dodge hurt (getting hurt or inflicting hurt). It's a part of life and it's okay. Your safety and health is more important than his feelings.
And by health I mean, mental, emotional, physical, all health.